


Tumblr Headcanons - Andreil

by lipsstainedbloodred



Series: Tumblr Prompts and Headcanons [1]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Archived From Tumblr, M/M, Tumblr Prompts, archived from cigarettesmokeandexyracquets blog, bullet point fics, headcanons, tags and warnings in author's note
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 14:58:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 68
Words: 38,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17045837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lipsstainedbloodred/pseuds/lipsstainedbloodred
Summary: A collection of various headcanons and bullet point fics from my tumblr (cigarettesmokeandexyracquets). Tags, warnings, ratings, and other details will be in the author's note in each chapter.





	1. Table of Contents

**Author's Note:**

> This page will be used as a table of contents

**Angst**

Page 1: if neil were sexually assaulted by riko at evermore and had a panic attack in front of andrew

Page 2: neil and andrew both have nightmares

Page 3: neil can’t look in the mirror sometimes but andrew helps

Page 4: neil and andrew’s first real fight/break up

Page 5: sick!neil

Page 6: andreil fight + andrew comes home with hickeys

Page 7: andrew + crying

Page 8: andrew finds out that neil was sexually assaulted at evermore  **[nsfw]**

Page 9: neil is raped at evermore but doesn’t tell andrew  **[nsfw]**

Page 10: andreil + praise!kink pt 1

Page 11: andreil + praise!kink pt 2

Page 12:  neil having bad days pt 1

Page 13: neil having bad days pt 2

Page 14: andrew finds out about neil’s mom pt 1

Page 15: andrew finds out about neil’s mom pt 2

Page 16: neil with memory lapses

Page 17: what would make neil say no?

Page 18: andrew cheats on neil

Page 19: soulmate au pt 1

Page 20: soulmate au pt 2

Page 21: neil goes into subdrop after sex

 

**Fluff / General**

Page 22: how the foxes see andrew vs how neil sees andrew

Page 23: sick!andrew

Page 24: more on andrew and neil’s nightmares

Page 25: artist!neil where andrew gets a tattoo of one of neil’s paintings

Page 26: andreil + fireworks

Page 27: the foxes go to a carnival + andreil on the ferris wheel

Page 28: andreil + sunburn

Page 29: andreil + swimming

Page 30: chubby!andrew

Page 31: andrew and neil sleeping with their pinkies linked

Page 32: the time andrew said “i don’t hate you neil” and meant it

Page 33: “just pretend to be my date”

Page 34: andreil + massages

Page 35: neil + smiles

Page 36: andrew grabbing neil’s hand to keep track of him

Page 37: andreil + kids pt 1

Page 38: andreil + kids pt 2

Page 39: neil’s phone gets hacked

Page 40: andreil + phone backgrounds

Page 41: andreil + iphones

Page 42: andrew smiling

Page 43: andrew + cat sweater

Page 44: andreil gets married

Page 45: how the baby foxes find out about andreil

Page 46: neil asking y/n

Page 47: neil in compression shorts

Page 48: andreil + pet names

Page 49: andreil + therapy dogs

Page 50: andreil + loving each other’s thighs

Page 51: things neil has overheard andrew say to the cats

Page 52: things andrew has overheard neil say to the cats

Page 53: andreil + tattoos

Page 54: neil staring at andrew in the gym

Page 55: fake dating au

Page 56: andreil + valentine’s day

Page 57: andrew isn’t outed in baltimore

Page 58: andreil + pro team finds out they’re dating

Page 59: andrew memorizing neil’s face

Page 60: angel!neil

Page 61: andrew in lingerie

 

**Smut**

Page 62: neil and andrew haven’t seen each other in a while  **[nsfw]**

Page 63: andreil + jersey!kink  **[nsfw]**

Page 64: neil sitting on andrew’s lap  **[nsfw]**

Page 65: neil + collaring  **[nsfw]**

Page 66: neil + cock warming **[nsfw]**

Page 67: neil being demisexual  **[nsfw]**


	2. Page 1: if neil were sexually assaulted by riko at evermore and had a panic attack in front of andrew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: past sexual assault, Neil has a panic attack, Andrew doesn't handle things well
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 3, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * any time andrew has ever forced neil to his knees he’s always been right behind, quick to put himself down on neil’s level
  * and it’s been over two years, neil doesn’t think about evermore at all anymore
  * except one night andrew guides neil down to his knees and doesn’t go down with him, stays standing with his hand in neil’s hair and his other hand scrambling to unbuckle his belt
  * (they had talked about it before hand. neil had given his explicit consent before letting andrew push him gently to his knees)
  * neil had forgotten but now he remembers
  * remembers the panic and the fear and he’s not in their dorm a psu anymore he’s back in evermore surrounded by black
  * and neil’s eyes go wide with panic but he doesn’t struggle, his muscles remember too well the weight of jean holding him in place for him to even think about jerking away, but his body goes tense and andrew freezes.
  * he knows that look on neil’s face
  * recognizes it as one that has been on his own face far too often
  * he doesn’t ask his normal “yes or no?” because he knows neil would say “yes” even though he’s clearly panicking
  * andrew’s hand in neil’s hair clenches and neil winces, jaw clenching and andrew can’t see his hands but he knows they’re shaking
  * andrew drops down, thighs on either side of neil’s, bracketing him in
  * he uses his grip on neil’s hair to pull him flush up against andrew’s chest, angling neil’s head to rest in the crook of his neck and shoulder
  * (a good area. a safe area. it smells like andrew and cigarette smoke and home)
  * andrew’s other arm loops around neil’s back, clutching at his bare skin and refusing to let go
  * it’s good. it’s safe.
  * neil is safe.
  * “who?” is all andrew asks
  * neil is silent for a long time, long enough andrew is about to shake him when he says, “riko.”
  * andrew grunts, hand on neil’s bare skin gripping hard enough to bruise.
  * he can feel neil’s soft breaths against his neck and loosens his grip on neil’s hair just a little, just enough so neil can turn his head just slightly to press his nose against the curve of andrew’s neck
  * (a vulnerability for a vulnerability)
  * “it’s fine” neil says after a moment has passed “you could have- i wouldn’t have stopped you from-”
  * but neil freezes at the sound of andrew punching the wall just to the side of his head
  * the plaster cracks but doesn’t give way, just spider webs across the white wall
  * “shut up,” andrew says harshly. “you shut the fuck up.”
  * andrew releases his grip on neil’s hair long enough to grab neil’s hands in both of his, bringing them up to wrap around his torso, letting them rest on his back
  * when neil grips the material of his shirt in his hands andrew lets go, satisfied.
  * he brings his arms back around neil, one hand in his hair, the other around his back.
  * “shut up” he mumbles again, just because.
  * neil nods against his neck, breath shaky, and andrew presses his lips gently to neil’s forehead.
  * if riko were still alive andrew would kill him himself.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't punch walls next to a trauma victim. i wrote this a long time ago.


	3. Page 2: neil and andrew both have nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: nightmares
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 6, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * okay but neil and andrew both have nightmares
  * they’ve both had so much trauma in their life that it’s a given
  * and andrew wakes up at 3am, wide eyed and breathing hard
  * he doesn’t move a muscle, just lays their tense and quiet and reminding himself where he is
  * and he whispers neil’s name, so soft, barely a noise at all but it doesn’t matter neil always hears it
  * always
  * neil is awake a second later, making a soft sleepy noise and it’s good
  * it’s okay because neil is there
  * and sometimes that’s enough for andrew to go back to sleep
  * but sometimes it’s not and he has to tug on neil, pull him close and rest his head on neil’s chest so he can hear his heartbeat
  * he can only do this at night
  * only when his ghosts are pressing in too close and there are demons at the edge of the bed
  * (neil is his safe harbor, how fucked is that?)
  * and neil doesn’t try to hold him, he just lays there under andrew and lets andrew clutch at him
  * it’s so easy for neil to fall back asleep that way, andrew on top of him, still feels like andrew is protecting him even though he’s raw and vulnerable right now.
  * and then there’s neil’s nightmares
  * neil sits bolt upright at any hour of the night, a scream just on the tip of his tongue but it never comes out of him
  * andrew is always there
  * presses his hand to neil’s throat and wrestles him back down against the sheets
  * “shut up” said sleepy but stern
  * and it’s grounding
  * and neil can finally breathe again
  * sometimes he presses his own hand against andrew’s on his throat, wraps his fingers around the outside of andrew’s hand and just holds on




	4. Page 3: neil can’t look in the mirror sometimes but andrew helps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: self-loathing
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 9, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * neil can’t look at himself in the mirror sometimes
  * can’t help but see his father staring back at him through the glass.
  * most of the time it’s okay, he just avoids looking at himself
  * cuts his eyes away before he can glance at himself.
  * but his really bad days he has to cover the mirror with a towel, eyes clenched shut as he tucks the towel around the glass, can’t breathe until his reflection is gone.
  * andrew hates it.
  * he hates everything about neil but this is more than an annoyance, an irritation. it’s anger that bubbles hot under his skin, festers and grows the longer he lets neil get away with it.
  * neil: “what’s your problem?”
  * andrew: “you”
  * andrew grips neil’s chin tight with his thumb and forefinger.
  * makes neil look at him.
  * neil won’t keep his eyes on andrew, keeps flicking his gaze off to the side.
  * skittish. ‘he wants to run.’ andrew thinks. the thought makes him beyond angry.
  * so andrew places his other hand on neil’s mangled cheek, runs his thumb over the burn scarred skin and okay now he has neil’s attention.
  * “don’t hide from me.” andrew says, thumb drifting up, hand shifting, rubbing the delicate skin under neil’s eye.
  * neil’s jaw clenches but then, all at once, he relaxes. trusts that he’s safe with andrew.
  * andrew pulls neil in for a bruising kiss, hard and angry and every bit of ‘i hate you’.
  * neil’s hands clench and andrew is over aware of them hanging at neil’s sides so he mumbles “yes” against neil’s lips and the hands bury themselves in andrew’s hair.
  * desperate, he’s so desperate.
  * ‘i hate him, i hate him, i hate him.’
  * (andrew has always been great at lying to himself.)
  * andrew ends the kiss, biting at neil’s lips before pulling away. his hand is still on neil’s face.
  * neil is staring down at him, a look on his face akin to awe.
  * like reverence.
  * andrew feels exposed.
  * “don’t look at me like that” andrew growls, tightening his grip on neil’s chin to almost bruising.
  * neil complies by shutting his eyes.
  * little shit.
  * and for whatever reason, the stupid twisting in the pit of his gut that always makes like him act like an idiot in front of neil, andrew leans forward and places a chaste kiss on each of neil’s eyelids.
  * neil isn’t ‘cured.’
  * life isn’t a fairytale.
  * but on his bad days andrew will do neil’s hair for him, block neil’s eyes from cutting to any mirrors by sliding in front of him and sometimes
  * sometimes he’ll kiss neil’s eyelids.
  * (you are not your father)
  * and neil’s okay.
  * he’s okay.




	5. Page 4: neil and andrew’s first real fight/break up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Your aftg angsty posts are so good, could you write one about them getting in to an argument or something (ofc they'd get back together though bc they're basically stuck w each other)
> 
> Warnings: Andreil breaks up but gets back together, selective mutism
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 17, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

i was actually thinking about this the other day tbh (this got kinda long sorry im trash)

  * so it’s andrew’s last year at palmetto and he’s about two weeks from graduation and neil says something like “how are we going to do this after you graduate?”
  * and andrew shoots back “there has never been a  _this_.”
  * and yeah he’s been saying that for the past four years whatever, but then andrew graduates and he gets signed to the same pro team as kevin (if only so he can continue being difficult. it’s funny to make kevin angry.)
  * and he just kind of stops talking to neil?
  * they never texted much to begin with but there’s never been a reason, they’ve been together since neil became  _neil_  for good.
  * but now andrew is completely ignoring neil.
  * and neil isn’t sure why so he texts kevin because obviously andrew isn’t answering his phone.
  * and kevin sends back: “he said he told you that ‘you were never a /this/’.”
  * at the same time andrew texts him: “you were a convenience”
  * and fuck that takes the air out of neil’s lungs. he  _knows_ andrew. he knows that andrew cared for him, that he wanted him, protected him, made him safe, and a tiny part of his heart whispers “loved him”. so this, this realization that andrew was only with him because it was convenient to be, hurts worse than any pain he’s felt in years.
  * he’d welcome the dashboard lighter compared to this.
  * so neil runs (andrew isn’t there to tell him to stay)
  * he runs from fox tower, and then from palmetto state, and soon enough he’s almost ten miles away. his legs are cramping and his lungs are caving in but he’s not far enough. he’s still not far enough.
  * so he keeps walking.
  * he walks and he refuses to think, just let his legs take him away, but his heart is exploding and he kind of wants to just sit in the road and wait for a truck to run him over.
  * he’s spent his life running to live and right now he wants to run into traffic. ‘is that symmetry?’ he thinks and a hysterical laugh bubbles up before he can stop it.
  * the sky gets dark and then starts to get light again before neil stops. he sees a diner and stops for coffee, the waitress looks wary of him and neil suddenly becomes aware he must look crazy but he doesn’t really care. asks for coffee and to use their phone.
  * “wymack.”
  * “i need you to come get me.”
  * “neil? where the fuck are you? we’ve been looking for you all night.”
  * “i don’t know i-” he asks the waitress where he is and she raises an eyebrow but tells him. he tells coach.
  * “that’s almost thirty miles away neil how the fuck-”
  * “i walked”
  * there’s cursing from the other end of the line “of course you did. motherfu- i’m coming to get you, stay there.”
  * so neil waits and lets his coffee get cold.
  * coach takes him back to palmetto and has him stay in his apartment for at least a week. of course he’s gotta keep an eye on neil now, make sure he doesn’t go for any more “midnight strolls”.
  * and neil keeps practicing exy, leading his team, playing games…but he needs help from his co captain because he’s gone selectively mute.
  * (andrew is a lot of the glue keeping neil together and without him neil unravels)
  * his nightmares come back and get worse. his roommates complain to coach that neil’s screaming keeps them up at night so wymack tries to get neil to see betsy. (of course that becomes and hour of betsy chattering away and neil just staring at the wall behind her. she mentions andrew once and he walks out, so she doesn’t talk about andrew anymore.)
  * it lasts about a month or two before neil is barking orders across the exy court. his team is ecstatic to have their captain back again. neil only talks about exy. (andrew’s voice in his head tells him that’s all he could ever talk about in the first place but he fervently tells it to shut up.) 
  * neil goes up on the roof sometimes. he’ll light a cigarette and let it burn out next to him. sometimes he stares up at the stars. sometimes he stares that the ground. sometimes he wants to jump. (”i’d pull you down with me.”)
  * they’re on christmas break. neil stays at palmetto even though matt invited him to visit him and dan, and renee invited him to see her and allison. (he still doesn’t talk alot and doesn’t want to worry them. he loves them too much.)
  * nicky calls him every couple of weeks to check on him, doesn’t worry about neil not replying as often as a normal human would, just chatters on about erik and their careers and germany. he offers to fly neil up to visit (”maybe for a couple of weeks, you could use a vacation.”) neil says no but the longer he’s at palmetto the more he’s itching to be out of his own skin so he might say yes, maybe. (nicky is safe.)
  * but one night he comes out on the roof and andrew is standing there, already smoking a cigarette, looking out across campus and neil is filled with such utter rage at the sight he pulls back a fist to punch andrew in the face.
  * andrew blocks it of course, catches neil’s hand in his own and holds it, does the same to the other hand and clamps down, not letting neil move. neil can feel tears streaming down his face but he clenches his jaw in defiance. he wants to hold onto that rage at the pit of his stomach but it’s quickly washing away into such an all consuming sadness that he can’t hold it.
  * “you look terrible.” andrew comments.
  * “go fuck yourself.” neil spits in return.
  * andrew doesn’t reply, just stares at him and neil jerks his arms to try to get his hands free. andrew doesn’t let him go.
  * “what do you want?” neil asks
  * “i don’t want anything.” andrew says lightly, but he squeezes neil’s hands and neil knows. he  _knows_.
  * “why did you stop- why did you say-” neil can’t get the words out but andrew understands.
  * andrew has always understood.
  * “there wasn’t supposed to be a this. i don’t-” andrew shakes his head.
  * _i don’t deserve you_
  * the words are there and neil knows them, knows exactly what andrew was thinking. “you’re an idiot.” he says, “grade-A. biggest idiot i’ve ever met in my life.”
  * andrew glares at him, but neil knows it’s not an angry glare. something warm slots itself back into neil’s chest.
  * “you’re a mess.” andrew quips, “i told you to stop running.”
  * “well, i’m an idiot. you need to remind me.” neil would say that this time andrew is the one that ran first, but he doesn’t. (commitment is a big thing and stability is not something that andrew has ever had before neil. he panicked. neil understands. he understands running.)
  * “yes or no?” 
  * “always yes.”




	6. Page 5: sick!neil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 31, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * oh no but neil is so used to not being able to rest when he’s sick or injured
  * so of course the first time he ends up sick he still goes to practice
  * dan and renee can tell he doesn’t feel well but he keeps slapping them with an “i’m fine” until he bolts for the bathroom halfway through practice
  * andrew and wymack are waiting for him in the locker room when he gets done throwing up, both looking decidedly unimpressed
  * wymack chastises neil for coming to practice sick, not only because it’s not good for him but because the rest of the team could end up sick as well
  * wymack is satisifed with the sheepish look neil gives him and andrew takes him back to the dorms
  * andrew unlocks the door to their dorm room and points to the bedroom, “go lay down.” he says, tone leaving no room for argument.
  * neil looks like he’s going to argue on principal for just a second before he sighs and takes himself to bed.
  * he strips himself down to a t-shirt and boxers and lays down outside the covers
  * he feels like he’s going to freeze and burn to death all at once.
  * his mind supplies “fever” and he frowns, grumpy.
  * andrew brings in a trash can and places it by the head of the bed, the he puts two tylenol pills and a can of ginger ale in neil’s hands.
  * “take that and go to sleep.” andrew says and neil takes the medicine, placing the ginger ale can on the night stand.
  * andrew doesn’t move, just makes himself comfy sitting by neil’s feet, back to the wall and book on his lap.
  * “i could’ve finished practice.” neil mumbles, picking at a loose thread on the blanket.
  * andrew glares at him, “go to sleep, neil.”
  * “i could have though,” neil argues, “i’ve played feeling worse. i’ve run feeling a lot worse.”
  * andrew grabs neil’s hand, the one picking at the blanket, so neil will look at him. “but you don’t have to.” is what andrew says, not soft, not stern, just factual.
  * neil is still frowning at the blanket and andrew resists the urge to shove him off the bed.
  * “you’re not letting the team down by being sick. shut up and go to sleep.”
  * and okay that’s the heart of the problem because the sigh neil lets out is more than a little relieved.
  * neil goes to sleep outside the covers, curled in a ball with andrew by his feet.
  * the way he wakes up is far less peaceful however
  * he leans over the side of the bed and retches into the trash can, his entire body shaking
  * andrew helps tug him back onto the bed when he’s done and throws a blanket haphazardly over neil.
  * neil shivers and curls the blanket around him.
  * the florescent light of the dorm room lights the back of andrew’s head like a halo and neil tells him “you look like an angel.”
  * andrew grunts, pressing the back of his hand to neil’s forehead and mumbling something about “fucking delirious because of the fever idiot.” 
  * andrew gets off the bed and neil whines, reaching for him with one hand.
  * “no. stay there.” andrew says, pushing neil’s hand back to the bed.
  * he brings back more tylenol and a damp cloth. helps neil take the pills and presses the cloth to his forehead. neil sighs and curls further into the blanket.
  * “this sucks.” neil says.
  * “i’m aware.” andrew replies.
  * andrew brings neil a few crackers later, and a bottle of water.
  * neil isn’t sure that andrew actually sleeps, every time he drifts awake andrew is still at the end of the bed reading a book.
  * it’s a pretty quick bug, all things considered. just 48 hours. but andrew sat with neil through all of it.
  * neil says thank you a few days later with no context.
  * andrew’s unspoken ‘i know’ hangs in the air between them.




	7. Page 6: andreil fight + andrew comes home with hickeys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: you're really good at angst, could you write an andreil fight? maybe its andrew's senior year so he and neil are pretty fucking close and they get into a fight about something and andrew goes to eden's twilight and because he's petty and an instigator at heart kind of hooks up with roland again. would he feel guilty? how would neil feel? how would they get past it? i mean they're soulmates of course they'd get past it but i really like confrontation for some reason
> 
> Warnings: Andreil breaks up and gets back together
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 11, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

so while i feel like andrew is petty he still wouldn’t cheat on neil BUT if they had broken up …

  * okay so here’s the thing
  * forever is a pretty big term to someone who’s not even sure if they want to wake up in the morning
  * this thing that’s not a thing has been pretty consistent over the last three years
  * andrew and neil spend a lot of time together
  * they stay in the same dorm room
  * they have their late night practices with kevin
  * the only time they really spend apart is when they have classes, andrew is in therapy, or neil is hanging out with matt or one of the other graduated foxes that comes to visit
  * they spend so much of their time living out of each other’s pockets they’re bound to have their squabbles, their petty arguments that turn into silent treatment that turn into make out sessions
  * this is not one of those things
  * this is the two of them on the roof at dusk
  * this is andrew with his arm bands off, bare to neil, bare to the world
  * this is neil tracing the word ‘ _forever_ ’ absently across his skin like that’s not a  **brand**
  * like it’s not a god damn death sentence
  * this is andrew balling his fists and pulling his arms away, a snarl on his lips and hackles raised
  * this is neil with his hands shoved back into his pockets saying “what?” like he doesn’t realize, like he doens’t know
  * this is  _“fuck you, i’m done”_  because andrew is  _scared scared scared_
  * “what do you mean?” confused and that’s not fear but it’s something close like  _“andrew?”_  pain
  * _“i’m done with you. get out of my sight.”_


  * neil rooms with nicky and aaron and it’s okay the first night
  * andrew has moodswings like this sometimes when he’s working through something and neil has always (mostly) been patient with andrew
  * but the next morning neil’s things are in two bags resting against nicky’s dorm room door and andrew has said “done” before but never like this
  * he’s never meant it
  * and a rage build inside neil he didn’t know he was capable of
  * _(not since letting go of nathaniel)_
  * and neil’s pounding on the door of andrew’s dorm
  * kevin answers it in annoyance and neil shoves past him
  * andrew won’t even look at him
  * the rage festers and grows and neil yells at andrew but he still won’t look at neil, just stares out the window with a cigarette dangling from his lips
  * neil won’t touch andrew, he knows andrew would probably break his arm, but he does slam his hand on the desk
  * when andrew looks at him it’s in nothing but cool boredom
  * all andrew says is  _“you mean nothing to me, now fuck off.”_
  * and that is enough to drain the fight from neil,  _“you told me to **stay.** ”_
  * _“and now i’m telling you to go.”_
  * so neil does. he runs to the courts and runs himself into the ground with suicide drills trying to drown out andrew’s voice in his head that says  _“go, go, go”_
  * it’s the next night andrew takes himself to eden’s twilight
  * there’s a black pit in his chest, in his stomach, a pestering that won’t go away
  * neil could not, did not, mean the word so absently traced onto his forearm. neil could not possibly want or need andrew for that long. it’s easier, like this, to be the one to end it before neil could.
  * andrew thinks about neil’s keys, the one to the house in columbia, the one to his old car, to his new one, to their dorm. neil clutched them tight and called them home.
  * called andrew home.
  * and andrew cannot be home to someone else when he can’t live in his own skin.
  * so he goes to eden’s and when roland stops to ask where the rest of his lot is andrew just points to the employees back room and roland says  _“oh”_
  * it doesn’t go very far.
  * they make out hot and heavy, roland’s wrists caught in andrew’s hands and roland is surprised when andrew lets him kiss his neck. let’s him put marks on the soft pale skin.
  * it ends to soon for both of them, but andrew steps away the same time roland says  _“we can’t”_
  * it’s awkward mostly. roland offers andrew free drinks at the bar and honestly that’d been andrew’s original intent but now he just shakes his head and leaves
  * he drives around for hours. finds himself rubbing at the skin on his neck like he could just wipe the marks away, erase any evidence of his wrong doing.
  * he tries to tell himself it doesn’t matter. he can do what he wants without neil around to bother him. he doesn’t believe in regret. 
  * _(andrew is a terrible liar)_
  * it’s too late when andrew pulls back up at fox tower. almost time for the foxes to wake up for morning practice, but andrew’s feet take him to the roof.
  * neil is already up there. knees pulled to his chest and his face hidden. 
  * _‘he couldn’t sleep’_ andrew thinks and of course he couldn’t, neil has always slept better with andrew near him.
  * _(andrew sleeps better with neil near him too.)_
  * neil doesn’t look up at andrew’s footsteps. he knows it’s andrew, he doesn’t need to look.
  * andrew sits down too far from neil. they don’t speak. they don’t move. 
  * neil’s alarm on his phone chirps. time to get up from practice. it’s the only reason neil looks up. looking up is the only reason neil sees the marks on andrew’s neck. 
  * there’s a heaviness to neil as he stands. defeat in his eyes.
  * it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what the marks are from.
  * andrew fights the urge to reach out to neil. to apologize. 
  * _‘it’s easier this way’_ andrew tells himself, watching neil walk away, _‘it’s easier’_
  * but it doesn’t feel easier.
  * it feels like he’s dying, like he’s drowning. being pulled under a current too fast for him to swim from. 
  * neil made his home in andrew, buried himself beneath the skin and scars and pain and made himself comfortable there. 
  * andrew didn’t realize he made his home in neil too.
  * andrew tells kevin to stay at the dorm for their next late night practice. it takes a heavy dose of glaring and the sharp edge of a knife but kevin relents, andrew and neil will practice alone tonight.
  * there’s anger in the tensing of neil’s shoulders when he realizes kevin won’t be meeting them. he almost walks out but andrew kicks a bucket of balls at him.
  * neil stares at the balls rolling across the court and seems to come to a conclusion. he scoops a ball up and lobs it at andrew’s head.
  * andrew is reminded of the first time they did this, when neil blew out his arms trying to score on the goal. now andrew is sure neil will blow out his arms in righteous anger trying to hit andrew with at least one.
  * _“would it make you feel better if you hit me?”_  andrew calls out. it sounds like a taunt. the next ball whistles past andrew’s ear.
  * **no.**  neil doesn’t say.  **no, it wouldn’t.**  but andrew understands. he lets neil take out his frustration in the form of exy, and he blocks all the shots made on his goal.
  * they’ve been at this for hours now, and andrew knows neil is getting tired. he also knows neil won’t stop first, so andrew leaves the goal and heads for the doors. what he doesn’t expect is the ball that sails across the court, hits the door as he’s reaching for it. it doesn’t hit andrew, but it’s a near miss.
  * andrew turns around, pissed off because  _‘what the fuck josten’_
  * neil’s eyes are ice. cold and hard and the little taunting smile on his lips make him look mean. he looks like a dead man buried in baltimore and andrew doesn’t say it but he thinks  _‘nathaniel’_.
  * so andrew stalks over, tosses his racquet to the ground, and punches neil in the stomach.
  * the brawl is over too fast. neil had been learning boxing from matt but andrew has always used fighting as a means of survival. he has neil pinned in no time, straddling neil’s waist and pinning his wrists beside his head.
  * they have too much armor on, they’re too bulky to try to wrestle like this.
  * neil gives up his fight when he realizes andrew will keep him pinned like this til morning practice if he wants to.
  * _“why?”_  neil asks. his voice is reed thin, from the practice and the fight, but also because he’s breaking into pieces and he has no idea how to put himself back together.
  * _“i had to do it to you before you could do it to me.”_  honesty from andrew is not rare but it does catch neil off guard.
  * _“what the fuck andrew?”_ neil grits his teeth _“that’s so- and you call me an idiot.”_
  * _“that’s because you are an idiot.”_
  * _“i’m not the one that decided to break up for- for literally no reason, i don’t-”_  neil cuts himself off, turns his head to the side and breathes out hard through his nose. his eyes are wet but he’s not crying.
  * andrew squeezes neil’s wrists in his hands and then let’s go
  * let’s go of neil entirely
  * neil squirms out from under andrew and walks off the court, let’s the court door slam behind himself, and andrew picks up the balls they’d been using. gives neil enough time to shower and redress and leave before he walks off the court.
  * it takes time. 
  * andrew offers neil the spot in their dorm back the next morning by handing neil the key.
  * he can tell neil debates about throwing it back in his face, but instead he just tightens his grip and shoves the key in his pocket.
  * it’s a couple days before neil moves back in and even longer before neil starts really talking to andrew again
  * there first conversation is really just neil asking  _“so are you going to freak out on me again? should i just leave my bags packed?_ ” and andrew staring down at his hands
  * but after that neil drops it
  * he does ask one time though  _“what did i do to freak you out so much?”_
  * so andrew tells him, because neil asked. he tells him that forever is too much time to think about. he doesn’t say he doesn’t think he deserves that. 
  * _(neil knows how andrew feels about himself. he can put two and two together. he just breathes out a sigh of relief that andrew came back at all. they can figure it out like they always have.)_
  * neil tells andrew he never thought he could be allowed something like this. a home, a family, a life. and it scares the shit out of him, but not having them, that scares him more.
  * andrew can agree on that.
  * _(being without neil was too hard, too much. they breathe easier with each other, like they share a pair of lungs.)_
  * it’s not perfect. they fight and they bicker and they storm out of the room sometimes, but it’s them. and as long as they’re together it’s worth it.




	8. Page 7: andrew + crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Okay, so I heard you're really good at angsty stuff and I was wondering if you could do something along the lines of Andrew crying in front of Neil?? Not anything like a full on sob or anything, because that's not him, but like tearing up//like two lonely tears?? And why would he? How would he let Neil comfort him (if he would allow it at all)??
> 
> Warnings: nightmares
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 13, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * it’s some time after aaron’s trial, just a couple of days since aaron and andrew were put on the stand
  * andrew’s wounds ripped wide open for the jury to see and speculate on
  * aaron’s defense of his brother picked apart and judged
  * cass is there, and she won’t look at andrew
  * neil wants to strangle her, but he focuses on andrew instead
  * andrew won’t look at cass either, won’t look at neil, looks mostly at the floor or his hands and focuses on keeping his breathing even
  * it’s after the trial that the nightmares start up
  * andrew’s been cut off and harsh to everyone in the light of day
  * but at night he lets neil sleep next to him, both of their bodies small enough that they don’t touch on the bed but andrew goes to bed each night watching neil and wakes up every morning to him
  * _(it’s the only real conformation that neil gets that this thing means as much to andrew that it does to him. that neil is the only one andrew trusts with himself right now. it’s something precious neil won’t break.)_
  * andrew having a nightmare is usually silent and still, but these nights they’re not
  * he doesn’t toss or turn
  * he doesn’t scream
  * but his body shakes next to neil and neil doesn’t usually wake up because of movement but he does on these nights
  * neil can’t shake andrew, can’t touch him at all, but he does talk to him
  * _“andrew come on wake up. andrew it’s neil you need to wake up. it’s not real andrew you’re okay you’re safe you’re with me you’re safe.”_ over and over until andrew’s eyes snap open
  * whatever the nightmare was, it was worse than usual, and andrew’s eyes are wet.
  * he’s not actively crying but there are tears clinging to his golden lashes and it breaks neil’s heart
  * there is nothing he can do for andrew right now
  * but andrew finally looks at neil, getting his breathing under control. he doesn’t ask but neil knows what he wants.
  * neil starts talking.
  * neil tells him about the practice andrew missed that morning because of his therapy session, tells him about the lunch he had with dan and matt, how allison’s been harping on him about his hair again, how allison and nicky want to take him shopping on saturday. he talks about how he thinks aaron is looking happier, about the phone call he overheard from renee talking to jean and their plans to meet up over the summer. he talks about exy and his classes and their families. starts telling andrew about places he visited in austria, about a dance club he went to in germany, about how he wants to visit italy some day.
  * the sentences flow one after the other, neil’s voice sleepy soft and andrew doesn’t care what neil’s talking about. he’s not really listening. but his voice is grounding.
  * neil continues talking even when andrew reaches out and touches neil’s burned cheek, running his thumb over the scarred skin. neil leans into the touch.
  * neil is the center of the hurricane in andrew’s heart. the calm eye in the storm. each breath gets a little easier.
  * finally andrew can breathe and he blinks away the wetness that had gathered in his eyes. he places his hand over neil’s mouth in a silent order to shut up.
  * neil does, just watches andrew with steady eyes until andrew removes his hand.
  * neil doesn’t ask if andrew’s okay. he knows he’s not, but he does say “do you want to go back to sleep?”
  * it’s early, about 3am, but andrew shakes his head. no, he doesn’t want to get trapped in that nightmare again where he’s too young and too small to get away from his attacker.
  * neil nods and says “okay, i’ll make some coffee then” and slides out of bed.
  * andrew gets out of bed to chain smoke by the living room window, his back against the wall and his knees pulled up to his chest. neil hands him his coffee and doesn’t let their fingers brush.
  * he’s being careful and he feels both annoyed and relieved
  * they don’t speak.
  * andrew smokes and neil lets his cigarette burn down to nothing and they sip their coffee.
  * finally andrew reaches out his hand and grabs neil’s, laces their fingers together and just holds on.
  * it means  _‘thank you’_  and neil has to hide a smile




	9. Page 8: andrew finds out that neil was sexually assaulted at evermore [nsfw]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: could you write a little more about neil's experience at evermore? i remember you made a post about andrew finding out what riko did/had done to neil, please may we have some more? 
> 
> Warnings: torture tw, rape tw, assault tw
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 14, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * jean was neil’s partner on the court and off of it
  * during those few weeks at evermore jean patched neil up several times a day, warning him every time “if you’d just do what he tells you” but neil refused to make this easy on riko
  * it was a conflicting feeling, to have that sense of safety from jean when jean was the one holding him down at night
  * handcuffs ripped neil’s wrists to shreds and jean kept his hands on neil’s legs to hold him down, prevent him from kicking, prevent him from squirming too much with riko straddling his hips
  * riko liked to do this, masturbate while he was pressing knives into neil’s skin
  * he’d come on neil’s face and laugh
  * and sometimes he’d shove neil to the floor and tell jean to hold him there
  * and jean would. he’d sit on neil’s calves and hold neil’s wrists behind his back so riko could shove his cock into neil’s mouth
  * neil blocked out most of it
  * but even months to years later with riko dead and buried neil still had moments
  * moments where andrew would be holding onto his wrists and he’d bite just a little too hard and neil could taste blood and suddenly he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move.
  * it was like fragments slotting back into place in his memory and they made him nauseous 
  * made him vomit more than once because  _he remembered, he remembered, he remembered_
  * he couldn’t imagine what it must like to be andrew, to remember  _everything_ , when the bits and pieces he remembered from evermore made him too weak to stand
  * there’s nothing andrew can do except be patient and help neil work through what he can
  * riko’s already dead, andrew can’t kill him again. he can’t kill the memory inside neil’s mind either. so he does what he can by reminding neil where he is, who he is, that he’s safe and riko is dead
  * neil tells him the bits he can remember so andrew can avoid the trigger in the future
  * when neil tells andrew that jean was involved andrew is ready to drive to california and snap jean’s neck
  * “he didn’t have any more choice than i did.” neil says and andrew is so angry, so angry
  * consent is a huge part of andrew and neil’s relationship and neil is never more glad for it then when andrew’s pulling him out of a nightmare because andrew always seems to know when neil is dreaming about evermore and andrew doesn’t touch neil until neil reaches for him
  * then, and only then, andrew will pull neil to him, pull neil’s head into the crook of his neck and stroke the back of his head with a gentleness no one knew andrew minyard could possess
  * ‘it was never supposed to happen to you’ andrew thinks sometimes, when neil’s eyes are wet and scared because he doesn’t know where he’s at just yet, too close to his nightmare than to wakefulness
  * and andrew hates that neil did it for him
  * _‘and i’d do it again if i had too_ ’ neil told him, ‘ _nothing is worth losing you_ ’ and andrew hates him for it 




	10. Page 9: neil is raped at evermore but doesn’t tell andrew [nsfw]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompts: Prompt only if you're comfortable with, if not feel free to send right to the trash, but what if Riko had Neil raped over Christmas break? And it's one of the only things that Neil remembers about the entire experience.
> 
> Warnings: rape tw, ptsd, torture tw, Neil lets Andrew do sexual things to him despite not being in the right state of mind
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Oct 27, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Neil didn’t know their names but he could remember with vivid clarity what their hands felt like on his body. He couldn’t remember what they looked like but he could hear the voices whispering “what a pretty slut” when he tried to go to sleep at night. He could remember that his insides felt like he’d been set on fire and that his tears tasted the same as his blood in his mouth and what it felt like to have teeth biting into his shoulder.

And when Andrew came back from Easthaven and Neil realized they had been put through the same torture over the break it made the anger bubble up in his blood. He wanted to burn the world down. He wanted to break everyone who had tried to break them.

The first time Andrew had put his hand down Neil’s pants he’d thought,  _‘Maybe I can do this’_. He’d let Andrew get him off even though his head screamed for Andrew to stop touching him. He’d let Andrew touch him even though it made his skin crawl and made him want to vomit.

 _‘I won’t be like them,’_  He remembered Andrew saying,  _‘I won’t let you let me be.’_

Neil felt guilty afterward, that he’d allowed Andrew to be the very thing he’d tried so hard not to become. Neil convinced himself that if he could let Andrew do it enough then maybe he could forget what the Ravens had done to him in Evermore.

So he’d allowed it. Every time. He pretended like it was okay and then spent the night scrubbing every inch of his skin trying to erase the memory of hands on him, holding him down, making him hurt. 

Andrew never touched him with the intent to harm him. Andrew just thought Neil was attractive. Andrew just wanted to be allowed to touch. And Neil would be dead soon anyway, so it was easier to let Andrew have him than explain what had happened to him at Evermore. 

And then Baltimore. 

Then Lola had Nathaniel in the trunk of a car, her body pressed to his and he just prayed to whatever deity might be listening that it would be over soon. There had been fire and blood and more pain than a human had been allowed to endure and somehow Nathaniel had survived it. 

 _‘I told Neil to say,’_  Neil remembered that clearly,  _‘Leave Nathaniel buried in Baltimore with his father.’_

So he had. Andrew’s presence by his side had been strong and steady during his talk with the FBI, and Neil treasured it. Andrew wanted him, even the messy parts of him that had been broken and stepped on. The pit of guilt in Neil’s stomach grew.

And when Andrew got him back to his dorm at Palmetto, stripped him down with only clinical touches, and shepherded him into the shower, only then did Neil break. He let Andrew get in the shower with him and wash his hair and touch him, but when Andrew knelt in front of him Neil shot a hand out in front of him, not touching Andrew but not letting him close either. 

“Wait,” Neil said. Andrew stopped and looked up at Neil, raising an eyebrow. “I don’t want- I mean, I do, but-” Neil took a shaky breath and ducked his head, “When I was at Evermore Riko had…” He trailed off for a second, his breathing coming a little quicker now, almost edging on panic, “He had a few of the Ravens hold me down and they-” Neil had to cut himself off, body trembling despite the heat of the shower.

Anger flashed over Andrew’s face, “You didn’t tell me.” 

“I’m telling you now,” Neil replied. “I didn’t think it mattered.”

Andrew’s hands clenched into fists as he stood. Neil didn’t let himself flinch away from Andrew. He knew, even as angry as Andrew was, that Andrew wouldn’t hurt him. “You should have told me,” Andrew spat, “I wouldn’t have-”

“I wanted you to,” Neil said, “Mostly. My body did, my brain needed a little convincing.”

“Fuck you,” Andrew said. 

“I know,” Neil said, “I’m sorry. I thought I was going to die.”

Andrew’s lips clamped shut and he shook his head. Neil knew Andrew wasn’t going to speak anymore and he bit his lip, “Andrew, I’m sorry-” Andrew’s hand shot up and clamped over Neil’s mouth.

Neil jerked a little and Andrew ripped his hand away, glaring at Neil. He helped Neil dry off and clothed him without looking him in the eye. He dressed himself in Neil’s clothes and left the dorm, letting the door slam shut behind him. 

When Matt came back in a little while later he looked at Neil and said, “Do you want to talk?” 

_‘I’m done lying to you, Matt. I promise.’  
_

Neil took a deep breath, looked Matt in the eye, and said, “Yeah, I think I do.”


	11. Page 10: andreil + praise!kink pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: idk if you're taking prompts but I just had a thought,,, Neil with a praise kink. and andrew most definitely taking advantage of it once he finds out. like the team can't for the love of god figure out why andrew is suddenly giving little bits of praise to neil?? and neil can't really decide if it's sweet cause andrews saying it for neil even if it's against his nature or if he means it a little or if he's just using it to mess with him,, idk I just have a lot of thoughts about this
> 
> Warnings: Andrew and Neil get into an argument
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 29, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew noticed, of course he did
  * it was little things at first
  * when kevin clapped a hand over neil’s shoulder after a victory and gave him an approving smile
  * when matt swept him up into a hug 
  * the one time wymack told neil he was proud of him
  * andrew noticed, and more than that he remembered
  * so andrew starts doing it too


  * because he’s curious
  * because he likes seeing neil flustered and grinning
  * because he likes knowing he’s the one that caused it
  * “you’re beautiful” andrew breathes across neil’s scarred abdomen
  * “good boy” andrew bites into his throat
  * “incredible” andrew traces in lines down his legs after a grueling game
  * and neil whines and gasps and squirms and andrew takes in all of it because he’s greedy
  * and then the foxes start to notice
  * because they can’t mind their own business
  * “good job” andrew says, bringing his fist down lightly on neil’s helmet
  * nicky inhales sharply because  _what the fuck??_
  * allison and dan exchange a look™
  * matt chokes a little on his own spit
  * and neil
  * neil brushes andrew’s arm away, his face red
  * it feels like a victory to andrew
  * he loves playing with people, seeing what makes them tick
  * but it doesn’t feel as nice to neil
  * it feels like andrew is mocking him, teasing him
  * and it leaves him feeling unsettled in a way it never has before
  * but they don’t talk about it, not at first
  * andrew tangles his fingers with neil’s during movie night, brushes his thumb over neil’s knuckles
  * breathes the words “good boy” into neil’s hair when he rests his head on andrew’s shoulder
  * neil lets it build until he explodes
  * until they’re in the car coming back to fox tower from a game and andrew says “you played well tonight” with kevin sitting in the back seat
  * and neil’s temper finally gets the best of him “pull over”
  * “what?”
  * “pull over. let me out.”
  * “neil i’m not pulling over”
  * “andrew if you don’t pull over i’ll jump out of the car.”
  * andrew pulls over and neil gets out, slamming the door shut as he goes
  * andrew had pushed because seeing neil embarrassed was cute, because it gave him control over neil in a way he hadn’t had before
  * when they were alone neil soaked up his little words of praise
  * but in front of the foxes neil just went still and quiet
  * andrew scowls as he drives the rest of the way to fox tower
  * the men in the back of the maserati make a wise decision to keep their mouths shut
  * they head to the dorm room and andrew makes his way up to the roof
  * because eventually neil will come home, and he will want to talk
  * andrew lights up a cigarette and waits
  * he doesn’t have to wait long before he hears the creak of the door opening and soft footsteps
  * “i don’t understand.” neil says. he doesn’t sound as angry as before, but he does sound frustrated.
  * “shocking.”
  * “andrew, i mean it. why do you keep doing it when you know i hate it?” 
  * “because you don’t hate it.”
  * neil steps in front of andrew so they can look each other in the eyes.
  * andrew keeps his expression neutral despite the quiet anger he can read on neil’s face.
  * “i hate it.” neil says, plucking the cigarette from andrew’s fingers. “i hate it because you don’t mean it. i thought you did, at first, but then you started doing it in front of everyone,” neil inhales sharply, “like it was some kind of fucking game.”
  * “it was a game,” andrew says.
  * neil clenches his jaw, “fuck you.” he drops the cigarette and crushes it beneath his heel. “you said you wouldn’t be like them. fuck you for lying to me.”
  * andrew’s heart goes cold.
  * he hadn’t thought about that. he hadn’t thought about riko, about lola, about all the bad people that had twisted words to hurt neil.
  * he hadn’t meant to do that.
  * that wasn’t his intention.
  * “that wasn’t what i was trying to do.” andrew says.
  * “then what were you trying to do?” neil asks, his fists clenched at his sides.
  * andrew doesn’t respond. he’s still trying to gather enough words to make a suitable response when neil steps away from him, his face closing off.
  * “fine.” neil says and walks away.
  * the door slams shut behind neil when he leaves and andrew closes his eyes




	12. Page 11: andreil + praise!kink pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: L I S T E N ,,, the praise kink thing what the heck no no no it cant end like that??? like yes andrew minyard is a certified asshole, and he's obviously not going to apologize bc thats not who he is, but what DOES he do? does he say things that are actually true? does he make neil understand that he means it now? does he say it less so that its only truths, something he's been telling neil to talk in since they met???? im suffering over here p l e a s e
> 
> Warnings: Fight from pt 1 is resolved
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 29, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * it’s been two days and the foxes are worried
  * or maybe terrified might be the better word for it
  * andrew won’t lift a finger in goal, and has threatened to stab kevin at least twice for trying to make him
  * neil has been the more concerning one of the two
  * he’s been staying in matt’s dorm for the past couple of nights
  * he’d mumbled something about a fight with andrew and hadn’t said a word since
  * there was thick tension between the two of them
  * neil wouldn’t look at andrew
  * all andrew did was stare at neil
  * aaron broke first, “just fucking talk to each other” he snarled after andrew refused to take them to columbia on that friday night
  * nicky had to get renee to calm andrew down after that
  * andrew had pressed a knife to aaron’s neck and seemed in the state of mind he might actually slit his twin’s throat
  * instead renee got andrew to spar with her instead
  * she returned to fox tower with several bruises and a nearly sprained knee
  * it’s five days and neil cracks first
  * he texts andrew to meet him up on the roof
  * so andrew does
  * neil looks tired, like he hasn’t been sleeping well
  * to be fair, andrew hasn’t been sleeping well either
  * “you look like shit,” andrew says.
  * “so do you,” neil replies.
  * andrew pulls out his pack of cigarettes and shakes it a little in question.
  * neil nods.
  * andrew lights up two cigarettes and hands one to neil and they sit down, back to back because not looking at each other makes this part easier
  * neil’s first cigarette burns half way down before andrew speaks again
  * “i won’t do it in front of the others,” andrew says, “if it bothers you.”
  * neil lets his cigarette burn down to the filter. andrew remains a solid presence behind him. he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.
  * “when i was at evermore, riko liked to talk like that,” neil admits. andrew goes stiff behind him, tense with shock and anger. “tell me how pretty i was before he cut me up. go on and on about my looks and my skills and treat me the opposite. he did it to get a reaction out of me.”
  * andrew’s hand has a white knuckled grip on his sweat pants because if he didn’t he’d reach out and touch neil and he can’t do that right now.
  * andrew tries to bury his rage before it chokes him.
  * “you said you wouldn’t,” neil says.
  * “i didn’t know,” andrew snaps. “you know i wouldn’t have if you’d told me.”
  * “do i?” neil asks lightly, but he leans a little of his weight against andrew’s back to keep him there.
  * andrew grasps for his control, finds it, and clings.
  * there’s a long silence before andrew speaks. he goes through another two cigarettes before he feels in control of himself enough to speak.
  * neil doesn’t move, just waits.
  * “you get this stupid face when someone says something nice to you,” andrew says. he feels like he’s drowning a little. “like you light up inside. and i thought it shouldn’t be other people making you look like that. so i did it instead.”
  * neil stretches a hand out to the side and rests it on the concrete. andrew places his hand on top of neil’s.
  * “so now you know,” neil says, “what are you going to do?”
  * “what do you want me to do?”
  * neil goes quiet again, but for a much shorter time, “you can still do it, just not in front of the others. and only if you mean it.”
  * “okay,” andrew says.
  * neil leans his head back and rests it on andrew’s shoulder, he tips it back so he can look at andrew
  * and andrew knows everything is okay again
  * or, maybe not okay, but better
  * and andrew kisses neil on the temple, feather light
  * neil turns his hand over, the one andrew’s is resting on, and tangles their fingers together
  * neil sits back up straighter, so they’re just resting their backs together, and squeezes andrew’s hand
  * andrew squeezes back
  * “we’re okay,” neil says and andrew nods
  * neil moves back into their dorm that night




	13. Page 12: neil having bad days pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: depression
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 2, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * i just keep thinking about neil having bad days
  * days the foxes haven’t seen yet
  * days andrew hasn’t even seen yet
  * where neil’s depression makes it hard for him to do anything at all
  * and he’s twitchy and jerky all day and none of them can remember seeing him smile
  * and when they get back to the dorm after practice he just goes back to bed because everything is too much
  * it’s too hard to go from nothing to suddenly being vice captain and having a bunch of people that love him and want to take care of him
  * neil doesn’t feel like he deserves it
  * so he goes back to bed and pulls up the covers but he can’t sleep so he just lays there 
  * eventually andrew brings him an apple because neil hasn’t eaten all day and it doesn’t look like he plans to
  * so andrew places the apple in front of him and neil just stares at it
  * then neil takes it and cradles it in his hand
  * and maybe andrew doesn’t realize how bad neil actually is because he’s never seen neil like this before
  * _(this is neil at 13 because he tried to kiss a girl and his mother beat him for it._
  * _this is neil at 15 who made friends with a boy and his mother almost killed him because he wasn’t supposed to have friends_
  * _this is neil not knowing how to cope with suddenly having a family and someone to kiss and a place to call home.)_
  * “eat” andrew says
  * “i’m not hungry”
  * “you’re being difficult”
  * “i’ve been difficult my whole life, i’m not going to stop now.”
  * “i hate you” it’s an offhand comment that andrew has made over and over and neil has never reacted to it
  * _(andrew means he hates that he cares about neil_
  * _he hates that he wants to take care of neil_
  * _he hates that neil makes him feel when he’s spent so long training himself not to_
  * _neil is a weakness andrew can’t live without.)_
  * “i know,” neil says quietly, “me too.”
  * andrew is taken back a little because neil has never…
  * neil “i’m fine” josten doesn’t talk that way and it clenches something in andrew’s chest
  * “shut up.” andrew says in reflex, because this isn’t something he wants to hear and he’s not that surprised when neil does without protest
  * neil just goes quiet and something rages fiercely in andrew’s chest
  * he wants to break open his chest and let whatever monster this is out to destroy the world. “move over.”
  * neil gives him a tired look but scoots back and andrew crawls into bed with him
  * neil’s eyebrows draw together in confusion but andrew just reaches out a hand and grabs the back of neil’s head to draw him down
  * andrew presses their foreheads together and neil makes a soft, surprised sound and andrew hates it
  * he hates that he has to comfort neil
  * he hates that neil makes him soft
  * he hates that neil is surprised by his light touches and gentle affections
  * andrew’s jaw clenches and he breathes out a steady breath
  * “tell me next time,” andrew says
  * “what?”
  * “tell me when you’re having a bad day.”
  * “you can’t protect me from myself andrew.”
  * andrew knows that’s true and he hates that too.
  * “i know,” he says, because he does.
  * he can’t fix neil, but he can make it a little easier.
  * neil closes his eyes and andrew’s fingers rub small circles on the back of his neck
  * “i’m tired,” neil says
  * “go to sleep,” andrew replies
  * “you gonna stay here?”
  * andrew thinks about it. “do you want me to stay?”
  * neil’s jaw clenches and it’s the hardest question neil’s answered all day
  * he doesn’t know what he wants
  * “yeah,” he says, voice thin and strained.
  * “then i’ll stay.” 
  * all the tension goes out of neil at once and he relaxes against andrew.
  * “but you’re going to have to eat that apple when you wake up josten.”
  * “fine.”
  * neil’s not fine, but maybe some day he might be.




	14. Page 13: neil having bad days pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Neil having bad days is my guilty pleasure tbh I'd like to see more of how bad the extend of his trauma is (why am I like this)
> 
> Warnings: depression, Neil has panic attacks
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 2, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * sometimes neil has nightmares
    * where neil jerks out of sleep with a scream caught in his chest and a racing heart
    * and he just lays in bed and shakes because he can’t make himself move he can’t if he moves it might be real
    * he can’t go back to sleep either, he just lies there in the dark taking shuddering breaths, trying to convince himself that he’s okay
  * sometimes the ghosts of his old wounds bother him
    * he’s convinced he’s bleeding from torture inflicted on him more than 2 years ago
    * but he makes andrew check anyway
    * just in case
  * he has panic attacks on his worse days and sometimes andrew can’t draw him out of them
    * they just have to wait for the worst of it to work itself out before neil can cling to andrew’s voice and draw himself out
  * sometimes neil flinches when somebody touches him and he’s not expecting it
    * andrew hates that most of all 
    * _(it reminds him too much of himself and it makes him want to burn the world down)_
  * neil won’t talk to bee about it, he barely talks to andrew about it
    * andrew thinks if neil says “i’m fine” one more time he might have to punch neil in the throat
  * neil’s temper flares up in bursts that leave him aching afterward
    * he’ll snap at nicky or matt when they’re just trying to help
    * he’ll brush renee’s hand away roughly when she tries to comfort him
    * he’ll yell when he thinks he’s being talked down to or pitied
    * and then a few minutes will pass and the rage will die out to smoldering embers and he’s flooded with guilt
    * his apologies feel worthless when he knows he might snap again at any moment
    * it reminds him too much of his father and makes neil want to carve himself out of his own skin
  * but somehow, through all of it, andrew stays
  * neil doesn’t know why
  * he can’t make himself understand why andrew would want him
  * but andrew stays, and he doesn’t make neil better
  * neil doesn’t know if he’ll ever really get better
  * but if andrew is around then neil has a reason to stay
  * and that’s enough




	15. Page 14: andrew finds out about neil’s mom pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Could you maybe write Andrew finding out about Neil's mom? Like Neil just says something in the locker room and all the foxes don't think much of it but Andrew does. And then Neil says something again in passing and all the foxes kind of put it [1/2]  
> I forgot where I left off but they put it together and everyone just reacts. And Andrew drags him away later and him and Neil argue about it. I don’t know. I love your writing. [2/2] 
> 
> Warnings: past child abuse tw
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 5, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * neil doesn’t talk about his mom
  * even when he came clean about his past to the foxes he just kind of touched on his mom but didn’t really go into any detail
  * aaron thinks he might know why, he can see in neil the same things he saw in himself, but honestly he doesn’t really care about neil and never sees a need to bring it up
  * neil has a…kind of fractured perception of his mother
  * he tries to only remember the good, to only see the good
  * yes she hurt him, but she was just trying to keep him alive so maybe that makes up for it?
  * _(no neil, it doesn’t.)_
  * it’s neil’s sophomore year
  * he and andrew have been  ~~not~~  together for a several months
  * the foxes are all having a group night in the girls room, freshmen excluded
  * they’re using the time to get wasted and play dumb party games while they all still have the time together
  * so everyone is pretty much on their way to wasted
  * kevin passed that mark about an hour into their little get together and is currently holed up in the corner with a bottle of vodka and his phone
  * nicky is pleasantly drunk with his head in renee’s lap
  * he tried to put his head in aaron’s lap but aaron just shoved him to the floor
  * “meanie” nicky mumbled, curling up with renee instead
  * aaron was on his phone, presumably messaging katelyn and pretending the rest of the world didn’t exist
  * dan and matt were sitting on the couch, matt’s head on dan’s shoulder and dan’s legs thrown over matt’s
  * allison was sitting in front of them with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a shaker of salt in the other
  * she was trying, unsuccessfully, to convince neil to do a body shot
  * neil had only had two shots earlier in the night and honestly didn’t want to drink more
  * “come on neil,” allison said, “body shots are fun, and totally platonic.” 
  * “neil doesn’t like girls, allison,” nicky said, “he should take a body shot of of me.”
  * andrew’s hand slowly reached for his arm band but neil intercepted it on it’s way
  * he squeezed andrew’s hand lightly and then let go
  * andrew frowned at him but refrained from pulling a knife out
  * “i don’t like boys either nicky,” neil replied
  * “bullshit,” nicky said, turning to face neil, “you have a boyfriend”
  * “still doesn’t make me swing,” neil said
  * “you’re so fucking weird,” nicky scrunched up his nose, “what happened to you?”
  * “my mother,” neil joked
  * nicky rolled his eyes, but andrew went stiff beside him
  * neil turned his head to face andrew but couldn’t read the expression on his face
  * andrew looked more expressionless than usual, almost like he was concealing his rage by forcing himself to appear uninterested
  * “andrew?” neil asked softly
  * “shut up neil” andrew grit out and neil turned away
  * aaron was looking at neil too, his expression unreadable, but when he realized neil noticed him staring he scowled and looked back at his phone
  * the rest of the foxes exchanged confused looks but pressed on with the party as normal
  * they only made it a few minutes before andrew stood and left the door, shutting the door behind him as he left
  * neil watched him go, confused, then looked at renee
  * she was the only sober one left at this party, and the only one that understood andrew’s moods as well as neil did
  * “you should go, neil,” she said gently
  * so neil stood up and followed
  * he checked the roof first, but andrew wasn’t there, so he went to the dorm
  * andrew was perched on the desk next to the window, a cigarette between his lips and the pack clenched in his fist
  * “hey” neil said but andrew didn’t reply
  * neil went to sit on the desk, but he kept a good bit of distance between himself and andrew, knowing andrew was angry enough he wouldn’t want neil to touch him
  * finally andrew breathed out a puff of smoke and said “what did your mother do to you, and don’t lie.”
  * “she just wanted to keep me alive andrew”
  * “neil,” andrew said warningly
  * he was keeping his anger in check but just barely
  * neil didn’t know if he should be worried or impressed that he’d inspired this much emotion in andrew
  * mostly he just felt defensive
  * “she hit me sometimes, when she found out i’d been kissing girls.” neil said, “she just wanted to keep me alive. it was the only time she did it.”
  * “she hit you,” andrew said, taking his cigarette out of his mouth and tapping the ash on the desk, “there’s no excuse for that.”
  * “shut up,” neil replied instinctively.
  * andrew raised an eyebrow.
  * “she did what she had to. she didn’t do it to be mean,” neil said, “i know what that feels like. she just tried to keep me alive.”
  * “there’s no excuse for her hurting you abram.”
  * neil felt his anger flare up and tried to clamp down on it, “fuck off.” he spat, sliding off the desk, “you don’t get to judge her.”
  * andrew turned and stared out the window again
  * neil felt his anger bubble up under his skin and he stormed over to the door, tugging his shoes on 
  * he slammed the door behind him when he left and ran until the anger turned to sorrow and left his heart heavy with pain
  * only then did he make the slow walk back to fox tower, hands shoved deep in his pockets, and eyes trained to the ground




	16. Page 15: andrew finds out about neil’s mom pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Maybe.. Continuation to this one that you wrote and its fucking perfect??
> 
> Warnings: past child abuse tw
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 16, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * it took days for things to find any semblance of normal
  * neil stayed with matt for a couple of nights and sleeps on the couch because he couldn’t make himself stay in the same room as andrew
  * during practice he doesn’t look andrew in the eye and does his best at avoiding him
  * he rode to and from practice with matt and eats dinner with him and the girls
  * aaron kept glancing at him when he thought neil wasn’t looking at it makes neil feel unsettled in a way he hasn’t in a while
  * “what?” neil snapped finally
  * he’d been shaken and off kilter since his conversation with andrew and aaron’s scrutinizing looks hadn’t been making him feel any more at ease
  * aaron gave him a sour look and pressed his lips together into a thin line
  * “if you’re not going to tell me then at least stop staring at me all day like a fucking creep.” neil said, turning his back on aaron
  * before he could storm out of the room aaron said, “you can still love her without excusing what she did to you.”
  * neil paused, mid-step, and clenched his hands into fists
  * his shoulders were tense, head ducked, and he looked to all the world like he might turn around and punch aaron in the mouth
  * but then neil let out a sharp breath and left the dorm
  * the door clapped shut behind him, and aaron went back to studying
  * neil’s feet carried him to the roof as they often did when he was upset
  * a quick glance around showed that andrew wasn’t up there, which wasn’t all that surprising 
  * neil was pretty certain that andrew was with renee
  * he didn’t have his pack of cigarettes with him so he couldn’t light one, but that was okay because the smell reminded him of andrew and that part of him ached
  * instead he just sat down, probably too close to the edge but there wasn’t enough in him to care, and buried his face in his knees
  * he wasn’t sure how long he sat there, just that it was enough time for the wind to chill him down to his bones and the sky around him to shift from blue to shades of pink and orange
  * “you know, sitting that close to the edge might tempt someone into pushing you off.” 
  * neil hadn’t heard andrew’s voice in days and his heart beat a little harder in his chest. he willed it into submission.
  * “if you push me off i’ll just have to take you with me.” neil replied, the words as familiar as an old song.
  * andrew crouched down next to him and neil turned his head, his temple resting on his knee, so he could look at him
  * he wanted to be angry, but andrew’s presence was a soothing balm to the rage inside of him
  * instead he just felt tired.
  * “we don’t have to talk about it.” andrew said. 
  * he had a cigarette dangling between his fingers and neil stopped himself from reaching out to take it.
  * “okay.” neil said.
  * “but,” andrew’s gaze was heavy and serious, “we can if you want to.”
  * something inside of neil cracked open and it spilled warmth inside his chest and down to his toes
  * neil didn’t stop himself from taking the cigarette from andrew, and andrew didn’t protest
  * neil just let it rest between his fingers, the smoke curling between them.
  * he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
  * “i just don’t want you to hate her,” neil said finally. 
  * he didn’t know why it mattered, only that he did. 
  * “i don’t care enough to hate her,” andrew replied.
  * it was a lie and they both knew it.
  * “neil look at me.” andrew said.
  * neil opened his eyes and looked at andrew.
  * “you didn’t deserve any of it.”
  * it was said like a truth, but neil couldn’t accept it as one. he had deserved every bit of what life had put in front of him.
  * but arguing with andrew only made him feel worse so he just nodded. andrew narrowed his eyes at neil and then reached out to grab the back of his neck  to bring his head up and press their foreheads together.
  * “i’ll tell you that every day until you believe it if i have to.”
  * andrew was serious. neil ached.
  * “okay.” neil whispered.
  * when andrew let go neil leaned forward an inch or two before catching himself, but andrew didn’t go far. he stood and offered his hand to neil.
  * neil took it, and didn’t let go even after andrew pulled him upright.
  * they held hands on the way back to the dorm.
  * they held hands when they crashed onto the bean bag chairs.
  * and they even held hands when neil fell asleep in his chair two hours later. andrew didn’t let go until he woke neil up to go to bed an hour later. 
  * before andrew let go, he brought neil’s hand up and kissed his palm, and ignored the awed look neil gave him in return
  * neil went to bed, rubbing the spot on the palm of his hand until he fell asleep




	17. Page 16: neil with memory lapses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: Neil experiences disassociation 
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 13, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * do you think neil ever gets memory lapses of stuff that happens when he’s with the foxes or with andrew?
  * probably nothing as traumatic as evermore and baltimore happens to him again, but neil has ptsd and a myriad of triggers
  * so it’s likely that something random can set him off
  * like he’s already on edge and coach starts yelling because their practice isn’t going well and neil is just gone?
  * he comes back to himself a few minutes later with kevin snapping his fingers in front of his face and neil flinches but pretends he’s fine
  * or he’s talking to the press after a game and inevitably they bring up nathan and he just kind of trails off and when he comes back he’s in the shower and he doesn’t remember how he got there only that andrew is knocking on the stall door and telling him to hurry up
  * and what if it happens when he’s with andrew?
  * they’re both having a bad day (neil with his ptsd and andrew with his depression) 
  * and andrew is irritated but trying not to let it show, neil is withdrawn and quiet
  * and andrew keeps making little remarks about neil being useless or stupid and andrew’s voice morphs into his mother’s
  * he slams back into reality with and andrew knocking into his shoulder because apparently he stopped breathing
  * can you imagine how frustrated neil would be with himself?
  * how much he’d hate these moments of weakness, these blank spots that his mind just kind of skips over?
  * sometimes andrew will fill him in on what his brain won’t piece together because andrew remembers everything
  * and neil is grateful and bitter and so tired all at once




	18. Page 17: what would make neil say no?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: what do you think would make neil say "no"???
> 
> Warnings: past sexual assault tw, past torture tw
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 13, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew holding neil down and neil can’t move
  * he’s sore from practice and tired
  * andrew bites down on neil’s lip and there’s blood and suddenly neil can’t see anything except for riko
  * and he panics, struggles to get free
  * but he doesn’t say no, just gasps
  * and the terror in his eyes is something andrew knows too well, he’s off of neil in a hurry
  * it takes hours for neil to feel okay enough for andrew to touch him
  * it takes two days before andrew is okay enough to touch neil
  * or
  * they’re working up to actual sex and andrew asks if he can finger neil
  * neil says yes
  * but when andrew gets a finger inside of neil he freezes up
  * because this feels horrifyingly familiar but he can’t remember
  * and then he does
  * and he remembers things riko made jean do to neil
  * remembers hands on his body when he didn’t want them and things put in places he didn’t want them to go
  * this time he does say “no”
  * this time it takes neil almost a full day to explain what happened
  * and even then he prefaces the conversation with “i didn’t remember this”
  * andrew is so fucking angry
  * not at neil
  * but at riko and jean and the whole goddamn world
  * “i’m going to kill him”
  * “riko made him do it”
  * “i don’t care”
  * “i do, it wasn’t his fault”
  * it takes andrew a long time to go back to touching neil in any sexual way because he doesn’t want to risk sending neil into another forgotten memory
  * andrew also makes neil go see betsy for at least a couple of sessions because he knows neil needs it
  * neil resents it for a little while, but eventually he does go to see betsy on his own
  * he still doesn’t like her, but it does help with his nightmares at least a little
  * but the biggest thing that makes neil say “no” is when andrew won’t 
  * because sometimes andrew will try to push himself
  * and he’ll put neil’s hands on him even though he’s not ready yet
  * but neil can always tell
  * and he’ll take his hands away and say “no”
  * because neil isn’t good at looking out for himself but he’s good for looking out for his family




	19. Page 18: andrew cheats on neil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: andrew cheating ?? like officially at this point he's not "cheating" because there is no "this" etc etc ??
> 
> Warnings: infidelity
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 16, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * **a list of facts:**  the sky is blue, the grass is green, the sun rises in the east, the earth orbits the sun, and andrew minyard hates neil josten
  * **a statement:**  neil josten is everything good that andrew cannot be, but has a darkness he can identify with. neil is the sun and andrew is the earth and the resulting clash would obliterate andrew. there is not a single day that goes by in which andrew thinks he will survive this.
  * **another statement:**  andrew minyard is not supposed to have emotions. he is not supposed to care enough about anything to hate it, apathy is the best option.  
  * **the issue:**  andrew minyard hates neil josten.
  * **the solution:**  andrew has sex with other men to give himself back his feeling of control.


  * but
  * it doesn’t feel like control, does it? 
  * control and power have always been blades in his hands and blood on his knuckles, fire in his eyes, strength in his posture
  * but this feels like a writhing snake in his veins, like a pit of brambles in his stomach
  * no man is enough and andrew is disgusted with himself when he comes to terms with the fact that he only wants neil
  * **an observation:**  when andrew gave neil a key and told him to stay, neil made himself at home by andrew’s side. but at the same time andrew had made himself a home in neil and didn’t allow himself to realize it.
  * andrew is not afraid to tell neil what he’s done. andrew is not afraid of neil, or of losing him. 
  * so when he says “i’ve been having sex with other men” he expects neil to be angry with him.
  * he expects neil to yell at him, possibly even leave him, and he’s prepared for that.
  * he can survive without neil.
  * but neil doesn’t react the way andrew thinks he will.
  * neil seems hurt, but in a way that feels like he’d been expecting it to happen. like he’d just been waiting for the other shoe to drop eventually.
  * “well,” neil tries to sound flippant but he doesn’t quite manage it. he mostly sounds dejected. “you said it wasn’t a ‘this’ anyway.”
  * but andrew doesn’t understand.
  * this doesn’t fit with his view of neil josten.
  * **a list of facts:**  the ocean is over thirty-six thousand feet deep, the earth’s atmosphere contains twenty-one percent oxygen, clouds are just masses of water droplets and ice crystals, and neil josten doesn’t feel like he deserves andrew minyard
  * since the day andrew kissed neil on the rooftop of fox tower, neil had known he’d never get to keep andrew.
  * first, he thought his own death would be the thing to separate them.
  * then he’d realized andrew would simply never allow himself to be that close to neil.
  * he’d seen this coming for a while, but seeing the writing on the wall and actually reading it were two different things.
  * neil had hoped he might actually mean something to andrew, but he’d always been preparing himself for the fact that maybe he really was nothing to andrew after all.
  * **a statement:**  andrew minyard is the moon, and neil josten is the sea, forever controlled by his push and pull but never close enough to touch.
  * so things become unsettled and unbalanced. 
  * neil still sleeps in their dorm room
  * he still gravitates toward andrew during their daily life
  * they spend nights on the roof burning cigarettes
  * but they don’t kiss, they don’t touch
  * and neil looks flighty and sick, flinches at small touches and jumps at shadows
  * **the issue:**  andrew minyard has damaged neil josten and he doesn’t know how to fix it.
  * it creeps up under andrew’s skin and scratches at him relentlessly.
  * days go by, then weeks
  * nicky won’t stop casting worried looks their way
  * matt doesn’t know what’s wrong, but offers to let neil stay with him if he needs to
  * _(neil doesn’t, he’ll take what he’s allowed to have with andrew)_
  * andrew doesn’t believe in guilt or remorse, but he’d do almost anything to stop neil from looking at him like he does now
  * _(neil used to look at andrew like he was the solution to all of his problems, now he just looks wounded and andrew can’t stand that he’s the one to put that look on neil’s face even if he doesn’t want to admit it to himself.)_
  * andrew had stopped sleeping around the day he told neil, but now he’s stuck in a hard place where neither one of them want to let go.
  * **the solution:**  allow neil josten to have the potential to hurt him
  * they’re at eden’s and andrew doesn’t leave neil’s side
  * neil is slightly confused, eden’s would be a prime time for andrew to look for someone else, but he just accepts that maybe andrew doesn’t want anyone tonight
  * andrew notices neil’s questioning glances and says “i’m not looking for anyone else.”
  * neil frowns because he doesn’t understand and asks “what?”
  * “i’m not looking for anyone to sleep with. not tonight.”
  * “oh.”
  * neil runs his finger over the rim of his glass.
  * andrew shifts closer and catches neil’s attention, making him look at him.
  * “not tonight, or any other night.” andrew says and neil’s eyes widen.
  * this is andrew letting neil in.
  * this is andrew acknowledging that he will be exclusive with neil.
  * it’s the last thing neil expects from him.
  * andrew doesn’t kiss neil, but he presses their foreheads together, the most contact they’ve had in two months.
  * neil’s taking these little shuddering breaths that make andrew’s heart clench up in his chest 
  * andrew places a hand over neil’s and squeezes, “breathe josten,” he says
  * “shut up.” neil replies, “you’re such an asshole.”
  * when neil pulls away his breathing has gone back to normal and andrew straightens back up, but neil doesn’t let go of his hand
  * **a statement:**  they can compare each other to moons and planets and suns, but the fact is that neil josten and andrew minyard are two flowers, growing so closesly together that their roots and stems and petals intertwine. until someone looks at it and sees one flower and not too. they have thorns and ridges, soft petals, and torn roots. they wilt and grow and bloom. and they can survive seperately, but they are much more beautiful when they are together. simply, they are more when they’re together.
  * **a list of facts:**  death is inevitable, rain is wet, the sun is hot, and andrew minyard and neil josten love each other



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't pull an andrew this is not a healthy view of a relationship


	20. Page 19: soulmate au pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: rape tw, child abuse tw
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 9, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

soulmate au where you feel when your soulmate is in pain 

  * the first time nathaniel feels his soulmate is when he’s five years old and wakes up in the middle of the night because he feels a slap across the face
  * he’s scared and confused because he doesn’t see anyone in the room with him, not his father or lola or anyone of his father’s friends who might lay hands on him
  * but he doesn’t dare disturb his mother or father this late at night
  * he already knows that his father doesn’t like that, doesn’t seem to like him at all really, so he shakes quietly in the darkness of his room and the tears don’t come
  * he’s six when he finally asks his mother why he sometimes feels like he’s been shoved or slapped when no one is around
  * mary’s expression shifts into something a little far away when she tells him about soulmates and pain links
  * he knows that means his soulmate feels it when he’s hurt too, and he thinks about his father and heavy hands and wishes he could say sorry
  * he asks his mother if she and his father are soulmates, if she can feel when he’s in pain too, if he can feel it himself when he’s mean to her
  * mary’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes and she gives no hint to her lie of  _“yes”_


  * the first time nathaniel feels like he’s being ripped apart from the inside out, he lets himself scream and his pillow muffles the sound
  * he hurts and he hates and he tries to smother himself to be quiet
  * he doesn’t know that his soulmate feels the same way
  * he’s nine when he gets hit with his mother’s iron, and as he watches the iron fall away with his skin still stuck too it he thinks  _‘i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry’_
  * his soulmate doesn’t deserve to hurt like this
  * he’s ten when he’s being pulled out of his bed in the middle of the night by his mother, a bag shoved into his sleepy hands and her frantic hushed whispers in his ear
  * “go, go now,” she urges and he goes with her, confused but dependent 
  * nathaniel thinks about his soulmate a lot when they’re on the road
  * he feels pain from them on most nights
  * feels the bite of a knife on the skin of his forearms and it makes him shake because it reminds him of his father
  * he knows about the rug burn on their knees and the bite of hair being pulled out and the pain that burns him from his inside out
  * mary’s lessons are taught with anger and determination in her hands
  * “don’t think about them,” she tells him, and she hurts him because she knows that hurting him will hurt his soulmate, and nathaniel hates that
  * nathaniel hates himself every time he stitches up a wound from carelessly, every time he sees his own body fill with more scars because it’s his soulmate’s pain too
  * “stop being reckless,” mary says, “stop being stupid.”
  * nathaniel, gifted with his father’s temper, yells back “i’m trying” and dodges the slap that earns him
  * he’s shot and stabbed and by the time nathaniel hears his mother gasp her last breath he’s tired
  * he adopts a new face, a new name
  * he starts playing a sport he loved as a child and barely plans for the next week let alone the next year
  * when he meets andrew minyard for the first time in a locker room in arizona it’s as disorienting as it is painful
  * a racquet meets his stomach and it leaves him gasping for air, he thinks he hears andrew take a sharp breath as well, but by the time he looks up and sees that awful grin plastered on andrew’s face he thinks he must have imagined it
  * it’s in nicky’s parents house that neil realizes it
  * it’s when he feels a bottle smash across his face and it sends him reeling at the dinner table
  * it’s when he feels punches to his sides and head that make him want to vomit
  * it’s when he feels that old, hateful feeling of being ripped apart and neil breaks down the door and he sees and he knows 
  * it’s aaron that gets to kill drake, but neil wishes it were him instead
  * it’s too much to talk about, so neil just sits by andrew and covers him and hears him laugh
  * _laugh_
  * neil wants to destroy everything and every one
  * they don’t talk about it when wymack and neil pick andrew up from the hospital
  * they don’t talk about it when neil tells betsy to get andrew off his meds
  * they don’t talk about it when neil promises to watch kevin, although neil hints at it
  * “you know what i’ve been through,” neil says pointedly, and andrew’s grin doesn’t crack, “you know nothing riko can ever do or say will make me leave kevin’s side.”
  * it’s not until after new years that they get their chance to talk about it
  * not until they both survive their respective hells and neil comes back with his old looks and a number tattooed on his face
  * it’s on the roof, andrew finally sober and stone faced in front of neil, that neil asks him “how long have you known?”
  * “since milport.”
  * “why didn’t you say anything?”
  * andrew fixes him with a long stare and says, “you were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.”
  * “i am not a hallucination.”
  * “you are a pipe dream.”
  * neil is full of apologies and regret, they bubble up and threaten to choke him but he tamps them down
  * andrew doesn’t deal in guilt or regret, so neil won’t either
  * neil tells andrew the truth
  * not that night, but over the weeks following
  * he tells andrew about baltimore, about a father with a heavy hand and a mean right hook and a penchant for knives
  * he tells andrew about years on the run, about his mother hitting him to keep him quiet because she knew hurting him hurt him more mentally than physically
  * “i hated it every time i got hurt,” neil confessed, “it wasn’t fair when you were already hurt so much.”
  * andrew covers neil’s mouth with his hand and neil lets it drop
  * he tells andrew about what he remembers from christmas, even though it still hurts, about why he bent his promise to protect kevin and attempt to protect andrew as well
  * andrew hears it all and stands unflinching in the face of such messy truths
  * in return, andrew tells him about cass
  * he tells him about drake and suffering through it at a chance to have a normal life
  * he tells him about aaron, and about tilda
  * not everything, but pieces of truth from both of them when they can spare it
  * andrew tells neil he hates him, that ninety percent of the time he wants him dead
  * it’s better than a love confession, neil thinks, and lets andrew kiss him
  * soulmates are a messy business and neil isn’t sure if they’re a good thing or not
  * so neil doesn’t tell andrew about the countdown, because he knows his death won’t mean anything to andrew
  * then the countdown ends and neil is in the front seat of a car with a dashboard lighter in his face and the tears burning acid trails down his ruined cheeks aren’t just for himself
  * but somehow he survives it, and in a motel room in baltimore andrew doesn’t let him go
  * andrew takes off his bandages to see the damage he’s felt himself and neil feels safe under the tight grip of his hand
  * “am i at ninety-six yet?”
  * “you are at one hundred.”
  * it doesn’t feel like hate
  * it doesn’t feel like love either
  * it feels a lot like home, like safety and brilliance and hope
  * neil smiles even though it hurts




	21. Page 20: soulmate au pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: rape tw, child abuse tw
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 21, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew was four years old the first time he felt a pain that didn’t belong to him
  * it was early morning and he was eating cheerios out of a bowl with no milk, shoveling them into his mouth by the handful with pudgy toddler fingers when he felt a yank to his hair and a kick to the spine
  * it made him cry out, his foster mother jerking at the stove and turning with worried eyes to look at him
  * “andrew?” she asked, watching him twist in his chair and his lip tremble a little
  * “someone hit me,” andrew said.
  * “andrew there’s no one there.” she replied, “don’t fib.”
  * “i’m not!” andrew insisted, “someone hit me!”
  * the thought of the pain link crossed her mind for a moment but she pushed it away. andrew was too young. his soulmate would be too young. it wasn’t possible he’d be feeling it this early. “andrew we don’t lie,” she said and turned back to the stove


  * the next time andrew feels it is the day before his fifth birthday
  * he’s in a new home, one of several that he’ll be in for only a few weeks before being shipped off again for being difficult
  * _(andrew does not lie, but every foster parent thinks he does when he complains about a pain they cannot see)_
  * this time the fear pins him down cold in his bed
  * he can hear his foster brother snoring in the bed next to him, the flush of the toilet down the hall in the master bath
  * he feels a knife pressed against his stomach that he can’t see, carving lines into the soft skin of his belly and he doesn’t move
  * he can barely even breathe
  * the next morning he doesn’t mention it at breakfast
  * he silently eats his oatmeal and doesn’t meet his foster mother’s eyes
  * it’s another two years before he hears the word soulmate, and in those two years he feels and remembers pain that scares him
  * he’s seven years old, watching his foster mother burn herself at the stove and seeing his foster father his and jerk his own hand to his chest
  * her name is natalie and she has green eyes and a kind smile and her husband doesn’t keep his hands to himself
  * natalie tells him about pain links and soulmates and suddenly a lot of things make since that didn’t before
  * he doesn’t tell her he understands because he’s felt it, he just nods his head and lets her pet his hair and goes to his room
  * it makes the begging worse, at night, when her husband has him pinned to his bed and he’s crying
  * it’s worse knowing there’s someone else who has to feel this too so he fights like hell but he’s small and her husband isn’t and begging never, ever helps
  * he gets himself sent away from their home and tries to forget natalie’s kind face and unhearing ears
  * he feels his soulmate a lot, a way that is far too much for children to feel
  * these are not the bumps and scrapes of sports and being kids, this is knives and heavy hands and andrew  _hates_  it
  * he’s ten years old when he feels the hot press of an iron to his shoulder and decides that this whole soulmate thing is worthless
  * whoever his soulmate is he hates them more than life
  * he’s eleven when he meets cass and his world breaks to pieces under someone that calls him little brother
  * it wasn’t bad, not at first
  * drake let andrew get settled and comfortable before he started making night visits to his bedroom
  * andrew hates himself and he hates drake but he loves cass so he takes a knife to his wrist to stop feeling at all
  * he doesn’t think about his soulmate 
  * he doesn’t think about the pain that feels like stab wounds or a gun shot 
  * he doesn’t think about how he knows his soulmate died once, because he felt so much pain bursting in him and then nothing at all and it had to be death
  * he focuses on surviving, because that’s all he can do
  * that’s when aaron minyard shows up and turns his life from hell to a shit show
  * he gets himself thrown into juvie and doesn’t feel anything at all when people talk down to him
  * he’s always been a fighter and he has a temper and anyone that thinks they can shove him around finds themselves at the wrong end of his fist
  * they force him to play exy and make him stand at goal and it’s so boring he can’t even make himself hate it
  * by the time he gets out of juvie he’s numb enough he barely feels his soulmate anymore
  * he knows they’re still around
  * still being stupid and getting themself stabbed and hit but it’s getting less frequent
  * he moves in with aaron and tilda and warns her not to lay hands on his brother again and kills her when she does
  * aaron turns his back on him and andrew doesn’t let himself mourn of could be’s and broken promises and they’re cousin moves from germany to take care of them
  * andrew lets himself feel nothing but all that rage is still there just under his skin waiting like a monster in a cage
  * he lets it out at eden’s one night, almost killing for men for hurting his cousin
  * the drugs send him flying high and he wants to claw the smile off his own face
  * he meets kevin day, broken, abused, and bossy kevin day, and threatens to break his own hand if he has to play with him
  * new promises are made, alliances are formed, and then he’s on a plane with kevin and wymack headed for a little shit town called milport in arizona to offer a deal for a new striker sub
  * the runaway makes a break for it in the locker room and andrew strikes him square in the stomach, sending him sprawling
  * andrew feels it strike his own stomach and thinks  _“shit”_ because of course,  _of course_  this little runaway rabbit is his soulmate and he laughs until coach snaps his fingers at him
  * so he watches, because neil is at least vaguely interesting
  * he watches and he pushes and he doesn’t give himself away because he’s wondering when neil will figure it out for himself
  * as it turns out neil is as oblivious as he is pretty and it takes him until november to figure it out
  * it takes until he’s meeting drake again face to face with a bottle of liquor 
  * it takes until he’s bleeding and disoriented on a bed in a house he was never welcome in, neil pulling up the sheets over him and andrew can’t stop laughing this is so fucked
  * to his credit, neil doesn’t mention it until betsy is ready to ship him off to the loony bin
  * neil shoves andrew’s hand under his shirt and says “you know what i’ve been through,” and andrew’s grin doesn’t crack, “you know nothing riko can ever do or say will make me leave kevin’s side.”
  * so andrew leaves and he remembers because that is what andrew is good at
  * as it turns out, neil is a filthy liar because of course he leaves kevin’s side 
  * andrew can feel it in easthaven, the hand cuffs and the knives and the hands on him
  * he feels the tattoo with startling clarity
  * he sees neil, standing in the lobby with the rest of his lot waiting for him and pretends he doesn’t want to reach out and touch and feel the damage with his own hands
  * nicky says “jesus andrew aren’t you wondering-”
  * and andrew turns up the music in the car
  * he doesn’t have to wonder, he had to feel it all himself
  * to his credit, neil doesn’t immediately seek him out when they get back to fox tower
  * andrew interrogates nicky first and then sends for neil
  * neil asks how long he’s known and andrew gives him the truth
  * andrew tells him more than he means to and sends neil away so he can think
  * neil, full of lies and regret and martyrdom, tells him the truth
  * they spend nights on the roof after late practice, andrew smoking cigarettes and neil talking in hushed tones about baltimore and a man called the butcher
  * neil tells him about a woman named lola that was always smiling as she carved into people and why it made him weary of renee
  * neil tells him about a mother that he loved and hated in equal measure, that he burned and buried her on a beach in california and mourned her but had been scared of her for years
  * “i hated it every time i got hurt,” neil confessed, “it wasn’t fair when you were already hurt so much.” 
  * it’s a lot
  * it’s too much
  * andrew’s chest aches with it so he covers neil’s mouth with his hand and neil drops the subject
  * it takes a little prodding, but andrew tells neil about cass
  * he tells him about drake and the men before that couldn’t take no for an answer and neil stops when andrew says so
  * neil stops so andrew doesn’t
  * andrew kisses neil and he hates him and this entire soulmate business and so he tells him
  * “it’s okay if you hate me,” neil says and andrew pins him to the carpet and kisses him hot and heavy
  * then there’s a game and neil fixes him with an intense look and he says “thank you”
  * he says “you were amazing”
  * and then he’s gone
  * andrew looks for him, wants to tear the arena to the ground to find him if he has to, when he feels the burn under his eye and it startles a gasp out of him
  * he knows neil isn’t here
  * he knows neil is in trouble
  * and more, he knows where neil is
  * he makes his way back to the bus, full of righteous anger and venom and when kevin gets in his way he chokes him
  * it takes matt, renee, and wymack to pry him off and renee sits with him at the back of the bus, not speaking and not touching him but just sitting
  * “he’ll survive andrew,” renee says eventually, “he’s incredibly strong.”
  * andrew just sits and leans on cool glass of the window and lets himself swim in the pain because he wasn’t fast enough
  * he comes back to himself, hours and hours later, with wymack snapping his fingers in front of his face
  * “neil’s alive,” andrew croaks out because he can feel it
  * wymack looks grim but nods, “he’s in fbi custody”
  * when andrew gets neil back in a motel room in baltimore, andrew doesn’t let go
  * he inspect wounds he knows are there and grips neil in his hands and hangs on and neil clings back just as hard
  * he thinks about soulmates and pain links and how stupid it all is when neil gives him that little wobbly smile and andrew knows he’d burn down entire cities to keep that smile there
  * “am i at ninety-six yet?” neil asks, somehow teasing because that’s who he is. an idiot to his core.
  * “you are at one hundred.” andrew grits out.
  * somehow it doesn’t feel like hate, but it doesn’t feel like love either which is good because andrew has always been shit with love
  * it feels like fire and bloody knuckles and fierce pride
  * it feels a little bit like home
  * it feels a little bit like being found, and andrew’s okay with that
  * he can be okay with that




	22. Page 21: neil goes into subdrop after sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: sexual situations
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 17, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

ohhh god but neil drops so badly after sex when andrew leaves him alone. neil lays there in the aftermath, still sweaty and gross and covered in come and he’s cold god he’s so cold. and he knows andrew needs that time alone to process but he feels used and dirty in a way he never has before. god it’s such and awful feeling and neil feels guilty for it because he knows better, knows andrew takes care of him and won’t ever hurt him but for hours after they have sex neil feels hollow and empty. when andrew comes back he alternates between needing to be held and not wanting to be touched in violent swings. he doesn’t feel like he belongs in his own skin and he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. andrew works it out eventually because of course he does and he’s…god he’s so pissed but he doesn’t want neil to know it. “i thought you were going to stop lying to me.” andrew says and neil grits his teeth and wavers between shame and anger. neil’s hands won’t stop shaking. andrew leaves again, like he does every time, and neil tries not to sink into that bad place but it’s like quicksand he can’t escape it. but then andrew comes back, sweatpants on and a rag in hand and he helps clean neil up, his hand hovering before touching and neil wants to cry. it takes work and patience and a lot of talking but eventually they work through it together, and neil doesn’t feel that awful anymore when he has he head on andrew’s chest slowly counting their breaths.


	23. Page 22: how the foxes see andrew vs how neil sees andrew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 23, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * when someone says andrew minyard the foxes don’t think “friend”
  * they think “monster”, “dangerous”, “disaster”
  * they think about the bruises on kevin’s neck.
  * they think about hands on allison, trying to break her.
  * they think about knives hidden under black arm bands and pressed to their guts.
  * they think “danger”
  * blast zone.
  * explosion imminent.
  * renee thinks “bent but not broken”. she thinks of nights in the gym spent sparring, nights on the roof spent in silence.
  * matt thinks about a night in columbia and is both thankful and full of hate. 
  * dan thinks about exy balls being batted at her team’s ankles.
  * allison thinks of hands around her neck, suffocating under more than just the weight of expectation.
  * aaron thinks of his mother’s hands on him and attending her funeral.
  * kevin thinks of a promise of protection. he thinks of bruises on his throat and struggling for breath.
  * nicky thinks of a knife pressed to his sternum. he thinks of a kid who’s been through so much that he doesn’t trust anyone.  _(he’s trying to protect something with claws and venom, but he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world, even when he’s being bitten and scratched at. nicky loves his family.)_
  * and then there’s neil.
  * neil thinks of andrew minyard and he thinks “home”.
  * he thinks of careful hands putting burn ointment on his face and wrapping bandages around his arms. 
  * he thinks of a key and “stay”.
  * of nights on the roof, lips pressed against his, shotgunning cigarette smoke, and  _more, more, more_.
  * neil thinks “everything”.
  * and maybe that’s what changes things.
  * andrew has never seen the good things in himself. he’s seen the pain. he’s seen the darkness. 
  * he thinks of himself as the bits and pieces of everyone around him. he’s renee’s knives, aaron’s protector, kevin’s bodyguard. he gives bits of himself away because it gives him a reason to live.
  * _(andrew is drowning in himself and he doesn’t know how else to float.)_
  * but neil looks at andrew like he’s the answer to every question in the universe. like andrew is an angel, like he’s a god. it breaks something in andrew and he  _hates_  it.
  * it makes him feel exposed, like neil has dug his fingers in and pulled andrew apart from the inside. it makes him forget he’s drowning.
  * it starts to change things with the foxes.
  * when they see andrew and neil after an exhausting game, on the bus, asleep against each other with neil all curled up against andrew like he doesn’t realize he’s in the danger zone.
  * matt tells dan it reminds him of a lamb snuggling up to a lion, not knowing the lion could rip it’s throat out at any second.  _(matt doesn’t realize neil is a lion in his own right. neil is someone matt wants to protect. “brother”.)_
  * they see andrew’s hands- hands that have struck them, choked them, brought pain- wrapped in the thin fabric of neil’s hoodie, andrew’s forehead pressed into neil’s back while neil makes coffee during a spring break trip.
  * they see andrew’s eyes follow neil, the way his cold eyes soften just a little in something that looks like affection. _(the way he says “fucking josten” is almost fond.)_
  * and slowly, very slowly, they start to think of andrew minyard as “protector”, as “teammate”.
  * they think of andrew shutting down the goal during the second half, looking like he’s about to wear his arms completely out but doing it anyway.
  * they think of andrew sitting in neil’s lap during movie night and the way neil completely relaxes under him.
  * they think of andrew’s knife pressed to the stomach of a rival opponent that felt the need to comment on dan’s past. 
  * they think of the pink kitty brass knuckles andrew gives allison for her birthday.
  * they think of the way andrew shuts down an interviewer trying to bring up matt’s past drug addiction.
  * they think of andrew and aaron going to therapy every wednesday morning.
  * they think of andrew’s late night practices with neil and kevin.
  * they don’t think “friend” but they don’t think “monster” either and that’s progress.
  * _(neil comments on it only once, says andrew is getting too soft. andrew snaps at him, calls him an idiot, but neil just hides a laugh in the crook of andrew’s neck. he’s just happy his family is together.)_
  * _((andrew is just happy that neil is happy.))_
  * neil looks at andrew and thinks “ **everything** ”
  * andrew looks at neil and thinks “ **the only thing** ”.




	24. Page 23: sick!andrew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 23, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * neil isn’t the worst in the kitchen, but he’s definitely not the best.
  * of course andrew thinks he’s abysmal and refuses to let him anywhere near their kitchen.
  * (it was only one time but andrew refuses to forgive burnt macaroni and cheese. how do you even  _do_  that neil?)
  * except right now andrew is sick and he’s holed up in the bedroom with a mountain of kleenex beside him and a glare cold enough to give someone frostbite.
  * and neil knows unless he fixes andrew something to eat then andrew will stubbornly starve to death because he refuses to leave the bedroom.
  * (he doesn’t want to get neil sick even though he keeps saying otherwise.)
  * so neil’s in the kitchen, making soup from scratch because honestly, how hard can it be?
  * andrew makes soup from scratch from him when he’s sick, this is the least he can do.
  * he makes veggie soup, partly because it’s easy but also because it’ll annoy andrew that neil’s making him eat something even slightly healthy.
  * he lets it simmer on the stove while he checks on andrew, almost gets himself punched in the face when he kisses andrew on the forehead but he just scampers away with a grin.
  * he spoons out a bowl for andrew and brings it to him, setting it on his lap.
  * “you burned it.” is the first thing andrew says and neil sighs.
  * “the bottom scorched a little but it tastes fine.”
  * “it needs salt.”
  * “make it yourself next time.”
  * neil looks annoyed but andrew knows he’s not, not really. (maybe the same amount of annoyed that andrew is about it being veggie soup.) 
  * andrew doesn’t thank neil but he eats all of the soup. “horrible.” andrew says, licking his spoon.
  * his nose is stuffy and neil has to hide a smile.
  * (it’s the best soup andrew has ever had in his life, simply because neil made it, but he’ll never admit that.)




	25. Page 24: more on andrew and neil’s nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: nightmares
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 9, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew has silent nightmares
  * he doesn’t wake up like neil does, a scream on the cusp of his lips and jerking into wakefulness
  * andrew suffers through nightmares in total stillness, in complete silence, only the tenseness of his shoulders when waking gives away the unrest of the sleep he had during the night
  * it takes time
  * it takes a long time
  * but eventually andrew wakes neil when he comes out of a nightmare
  * andrew wakes to movement
  * but neil, neil wakes to sounds
  * so andrew whispers his name, gruff and strained,  _“neil”_
  * and neil’s eyes flutter open instantly, like he was already awake and just waiting for andrew to call on him
  * they don’t talk about it
  * andrew can’t talk about it
  * but neil, all sleep soft and drowsy will say “i’m here andrew”
  * neil is so soft in these quiet moments, staring at andrew unguarded and andrew hates it, hates him, but it’s safe
  * he’s safe
  * and that’s usually enough to calm the tension in andrew’s shoulder, to allow him to sink fully back into the crappy dorm mattress and just breathe
  * neil will offer andrew his hand and andrew will take it, rub his thumbs over the scars on the back of neil’s hand to ground himself
  * and sometimes, sometimes andrew will rest his head on neil’s chest and listen to his heartbeat
  * and neil will go back to sleep like that, andrew’s hands tracing over scarred skin and blond hair tickling his neck
  * andrew doesn’t say thank you
  * but the kiss he places on neil’s collarbone says the same thing anyway




	26. Page 25: artist!neil where andrew gets a tattoo of one of neil’s paintings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I love this artist AU!!! Do you think Andrew would secretly tattoo the fox painted on his hip? And how do you think Neil would react?
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 10, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * they’ve been together for years at this point
  * played with the foxes together for four years before andrew graduated and went pro, the year after that neil went pro with a different team, and now two years later they’re both playing for the same team. they have an apartment and two cats. 
  * the second bedroom is turned into neil’s studio where he paints in his downtime
  * and neil paints on andrew a lot more now, usually on his chest or his back and it never stays long (but sometimes andrew will let him take pictures, just for them.)
  * the fox is a recurring theme
  * sometimes it’s drawn on, sometimes painted
  * sometimes it ends up on andrew’s chest, or his hip, or his back
  * but it’s the first thing that gets put on andrew and the last to washed away
  * andrew is not a sentimental person, but he knows that fox means home to neil just as much as the keys do, just as much as he does
  * _(the fox is home for andrew too you know, that’s his real family. the one he chose. the reason he lives.)_
  * so neil draws on andrew, the fox all curled up on his hip this time with its head resting on its paws and it’s the perfect size for a tattoo and andrew tells neil not to wash it off
  * he gets it tattooed the next day while neil is out having lunch with dan and matt
  * and when neil gets home he shows him
  * it’s just an outline, dark ink on pale skin, but it’s something neil drew
  * something permanent
  * and they don’t talk about forever but this is a promise
  * a promise that neil means something to andrew. a promise that he’ll mean something for a long time. andrew doesn’t do impulse. this is a statement.
  * neil kneels on the floor in front of andrew, hands not touching the tattoo directly but the delicate skin around it
  * the look he gives andrew is nothing short of reverence, of awe. his eyes are wet.
  * “come here.” andrew says, reaching for neil, pulling him up to stand in front of him. “yes or no?”
  * neil’s “yes” is almost desperate and andrew kisses him
  * when the tattooed is all healed neil can’t stop touching it
  * he paints it sometimes, uses it like it’s a piece of line art
  * _(don’t think about the other tattoos that andrew gets. bits and pieces neil draws along his shoulders and chest, always just the outline so neil can paint it how he wants.)_




	27. Page 26: andreil + fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Fireworks
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 10, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * they don’t celebrate independence day, not really
  * but july 4th is a convenient reason to buy a load of fireworks and stuff them all into the back of the maserati
  * honestly nicky is still complaining that andrew and neil aren’t spending the day with nicky, aaron, and kevin in columbia but andrew just waves him off
  * andrew likes driving
  * neil likes the long road trips, the gas station food, sleeping in crap motels when they get too tired 
  * so july 4th rolls around and andrew loads up the maserati with fireworks and cheap whiskey and a map and tells neil to pick a direction
  * neil picks north and andrew starts driving
  * when night falls neil watches the fireworks from his window
  * soft classical music plays from the maserati’s speakers
  * it’s nice
  * andrew pulls over sometime around midnight, just off the shoulder of the highway by a dirt field and unloads their fireworks
  * neil sits on the ground, back propped up against the car, and takes the bottle of whiskey that andrew hands him
  * for almost an hour andrew sets off bottle rockets and artillery shells, roman candles and fountains, he lights the last one and sits down next to neil
  * the air smells like smoke and neil is wrapped in the haze of it all
  * they spend the next hour passing the whiskey back and forth, making out while the tenessee wind blows the smoke away
  * they go to sleep in the back of the maserati, both small enough to share the back seat, neil presses his face into andrew’s hair and smells the smoke still lingering there and he smiles




	28. Page 27: the foxes go to a carnival + andreil on the ferris wheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Okay okay, I know I just sent you a prompt but I have another one for ya: Neil wants to go on the Ferris wheel when he and the foxes go to an amusement park or something, and Andrew goes on too..
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 13, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * neil has never been to an amusement park
  * you spend half your life confined in a home with a man literally called ‘the butcher’ and the other half of your life on the run, there’s not really a whole lot of time in there to do fun things like go to amusement parks or county fairs
  * he’s seen plenty of them through the windows of a greyhound though
  * and when he was younger he would hint, just a little, that maybe they could just walk through and look
  * neil’s mother would slap his mouth for that.  _‘there’s no time’._
  * neil’s been out of time his whole life.
  * it’s fucking sad, even compared to the other foxes lives, and allison can’t stand it any longer.
  * every time they talk about some childhood activity neil gets this look of confusion on his face that twists something inside her heart.
  * so when one day they’re talking about parks they used to go to as children, neil offhandedly mentions that he’s never been to one before but he always wanted to go.
  * and allison immediately gets that look on her face that says  _‘goddamnit josten you are so fucking sad’_  before she’s on her phone with her travel agent, booking them hotels in myrtle beach for spring break because she’s making neil go to family kingdom amusement park dammit
  * it takes a little bit of prodding for neil to get andrew to agree to go, but not much because andrew knows how excited neil is
  * so they drive down the weekend before spring break to get settled and monday morning they’re standing in line with hundreds of people to get into the park
  * they spend the day riding rides and playing games
  * nicky wins and obscenely large teddy bear pretty early in the day and by mid afternoon is already bitching about having to carry it around
  * kevin spends most of the time on his phone, probably watching exy news updates, but neil does manage to drag him on one roller coaster because  _“it’s a historical marker kevin, it’s been around for fifty years”_ and kevin’s a nerd about history
  * andrew mostly just sits at the various benches around the park and waits for neil, looking bored and put off by the whole idea of being in this park
  * neil rides with the upperclassmen for most of the day until dan and allison finally proclaim themselves worn out and they claim a bench near the ferris wheel
  * the sun has just gone down and everyone is tired but neil keeps looking up at the ferris wheel, even as matt is saying they should probably start heading back out to their cars
  * neil has always liked looking at ferris wheels, especially at night when they’re all lit up with big showy lights streaking toward the center of the wheel and exploding out
  * andrew follows neil’s gaze a lets out a heavy, put upon sigh before going to purchase ride tickets
  * neil’s eyes are wide when andrew hands him his ticket. andrew hates heights he can’t possibly…
  * “if i let you go up alone you’ll find some way to fall out. now get in line so we can get this over with.”
  * neil ducks his head to hide his smile and gets in line
  * andrew’s fidgeting by the time they get up to the front of the line, digging his toe into the ground and clenching his fists.
  * “you don’t have to.” neil reminds him.
  * “shut up.” andrew replies.
  * he doesn’t relax when the attendant opens the bar to the bucket for them. if anything his shoulders tense further as he sits down and neil sits down next to him. 
  * neil opens his mouth to offer andrew another out but closes it with a grunt after andrew elbows him in the side in warning
  * andrew and neil buckle their seat belts and the attendant clicks the bar back into place before the seat rocks slowly forward and starts their slow ascent into the sky. andrew grips the metal bar with white knuckles.
  * neil chews on his bottom lip, concerned, but as the wheel reaches the top of its rotation neil lets it go. andrew never does something he doesn’t want to.
  * “i want to lean into your side, yes or no?” neil says, turning his head to look at andrew’s face. the ride comes to a halt at the top and the breath andrew takes in is sharp.
  * “yes.” andrew says, blowing out a slow breath and neil leans into andrew’s warm side, brushing their arms together.
  * neil is privately delighted when andrew takes his white knuckled grip from the bar so he can hold neil’s hand. 
  * neil says a soft “thank you” and andrew grunts in reply. he breathes a little easier when the wheel starts to move again. 
  * neil is in awe of this moment. it feels soft, like dreams do. there are people milling around below him, so small from the top of the wheel. the lights of the park twinkle merrily. on one rotation renee catches his eye and she waves and he waves back. 
  * it feels light. andrew’s warm body by his side, andrew’s grip on his hand steady and sure. andrew lets neil rest his head on his shoulder and andrew kisses his forehead.
  * when the ride is over neil makes a small disappointed sound. everything had been so gentle and dreamlike, wavy and floaty around the edges, and now he has to go back to the way regular life feels.
  * andrew lets go of neil’s hand as the attendant opens the bar for them to get out.
  * it’s a pleasant surprise when, after andrew stands, he encircles neil’s wrist with his fingers. “stop looking like that,” andrew says, tugging to get neil moving to head back to where the rest of the foxes are waiting on them, “there’s always tomorrow.”
  * _‘tomorrow,’_  neil thinks, and he smiles,  _‘tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow.’_ because he was allowed to think about the future now
  * and his future was looking pretty bright.




	29. Page 28: andreil + sunburn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Sunburn
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 19, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew had warned him this would happen
  * “you can’t even see the sun, it’s cloudy out” neil had protested when andrew placed a bottle of sunscreen in front of him
  * “you can still get a sunburn when it’s cloudy outside idiot”
  * “it’s fine, i’ll be fine”
  * “whatever, burn to death.”
  * so they’d spent six hours outside drawing plants for their botany class trip
  * middle of april, hot as hell outside already and barely any shade all day
  * and of course neil josten wore black
  * (andrew minyard voice: idiot)
  * neil’s skin feels a little hot on the way back to campus but nothing he can’t handle, just a little pink
  * but the next morning when he wakes up his skin feels fire hot and too tight and for a second he panics a little because he doesn’t remember where he’s at or why he feels like this
  * andrew’s voice and hand on his arm pulls him back to the surface and neil gasps for air
  * “fuck why am i-”
  * “you’ve got a sunburn moron, a bad one.”
  * andrew doesn’t say ‘i told you so’ but the taunt is implied
  * his face and neck have the worst of it since he’d worn his arm bands all day, and the backs of his calves are sun burned too
  * showering would be agony if he didn’t already know what agony really felt like
  * but after he gets out of the shower and dries off andrew is standing there with a bottle of aloe vera and a scowl
  * “yes or no?”
  * “yeah”
  * so andrew covers neil’s sunburn in aloe vera with careful hands, glaring up at neil the whole time
  * when he’s done andrew just mutters “idiot” one more time and neil says “yeah i know”




	30. Page 29: andreil + swimming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Swimming
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 27, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * Neil’s never really been swimming just for fun
  * It was something he learned out of necessity in cold rivers in Austria, in abandoned pools in Germany, his mother’s voice hushed but quick
  * Sink or swim, so Neil learned to swim
  * But this is different
  * This is an overnight trip in a hotel with a pool, Nicky and Matt knocking on his door and saying “come on, let’s go!” with wide grins
  * Neil’s never been good at saying no to his family
  * So here he is, sitting on the edge of an indoor pool with his legs in the water, watching Matt and Nicky splash each other
  * Dan and Matt keep trying to dunk each other in the deep end, dropping down and yanking each other’s legs out from under them
  * Renee and Allison are curled up together on a pool chair, Allison on her phone and Renee with her arms wrapped around Allison’s stomach
  * They even managed to get Aaron and Andrew to come downstairs, both of them sitting at a table and not talking to each other, but not ignoring each other either
  * Neil is filled with so much feeling he thinks he might burst with it
  * Nicky swims to Neil’s side of the pool and puts his arms up on the wall, resting his head on his arms, “Neil,” Nicky whines, “Come on, get in the water.”
  * Neil kicks his leg and splashes water up at Nicky’s face, making the older boy sputter, “I’m fine just watching Nicky.”
  * Nicky pouts up at him for a minute and its Dan’s voice he hears next
  * “The water’s nice, Neil!” She grins before tackling Matt and splashing water over the edge of the pool
  * It almost makes him miss Nicky’s mischievous smile and the older boy’s hand wrapping around his ankle, ready to tug him in
  * “No.” Andrew says from behind Neil, glaring down at Nicky and not moving until his cousin retreats to the other end of the pool to play with Matt
  * Andrew sits down on the ground cross legged next to Neil, frowning at Neil like it’s his fault Andrew’s sweatpants are getting wet
  * “Don’t look at me like that,” Neil teases, forcing back a grin at the murderous look Andrew gives him in return
  * “Next time I’ll let Nicky drown you.”
  * “I can swim.”
  * “Good for you.”
  * “Can I take a turn?” Neil asks, referring to the truth game they had all but quit the year before when almost all of Neil’s secrets had been revealed in front of Andrew and the FBI.
  * Andrew doesn’t reply verbally but the slight way he tilts his chin means “yes”.
  * “Can you swim?”
  * It takes Andrew a long time to answer, long enough that Neil thinks Andrew is just not going to respond at all until Andrew says, “No.”
  * “I’ll teach you, if you want.”
  * Andrew looks unimpressed, “I’ll drown you.”
  * “You can try.”
  * But Andrew doesn’t say no, and that’s the important part.
  * They stay up way too late. Renee falls asleep pressed against Allison’s side and even Neil leans against Andrew’s side, resting his head on the goalie’s shoulder.
  * Andrew tugs Neil to bed at past 2 in the morning, making him shower despite the fact Neil only had his legs in the water
  * They go to bed that night facing each other, their hands only an inch apart from touching. “You still have a turn.” Neil says drowsily, as if he just remembered.
  * “Later.” Andrew mumbles, his eyes already closed.
  * Andrew’s fingers twitch, and their hands brush, and Neil smiles.




	31. Page 30: chubby!andrew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 30, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * i’m exploding thinking about andrew with just a little bit of chub on his body
  * his arms and shoulders are almost rock hard
  * solid sturdy muscles from holding his racquet and defending the goal
  * but his eating habits have never been great and though he does do core work and cardio
  * and his stomach is flat and firm with abs and those little cuts above his hips
  * his stomach is still just a little bit soft
  * just a little pudgy because he eats too much ice cream and drinks liquor for dinner
  * and i just, he’d be so soft
  * and sometimes when he’d stretched out on his bunk reading with neil at his side, neil will ask if he can lay his head on andrew
  * andrew will stare him down, weighing his options, decides he can always shove neil off the bed if he wants, and says yes
  * So neil lays his head on andrew’s stomach, keeping about an inch of space between the rest of his body and andrew’s legs
  * and sometimes if they’ve just had a long practice or if he hasn’t been sleeping well, neil will fall asleep like that
  * and after a while andrew will stop pretending to read and just watch neil sleep and run his fingers through soft auburn curls
  * and if andrew’s demons aren’t too strong that night he might fall asleep too
  * hand in neil’s hair and another on his burn scarred cheek to remind him it’s just neil
  * It’s just neil
  * andrew will probably make fun of him in the morning to cover his own vulnerability but neil will shake it off and hide a smile like he always does
  * protest “you’re just so soft Andrew”
  * and andrew will glare at him heatedly and say “shut the fuck up josten”
  * but neil can see the ghost of a smile tugging at the corner of andrew’s lips anyway




	32. Page 31: andrew and neil sleeping with their pinkies linked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 30, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * They’re sharing a bed in Columbia
  * Neil can hear Aaron and Nicky a couple of rooms away, laughing and yelling at each other
  * Kevin is already passed out drunk on the couch in the living room
  * Neil sleeps on his back a little more often now, but tonight he turns to face Andrew, right hand resting on the pillow in front of his face
  * “Staring,” Neil mocks.
  * He’s felt Andrew’s eyes on him for the last twenty minutes
  * Andrew doesn’t respond, but he does give Neil a cool, unimpressed look that has Neil turning his face into the pillow briefly to hide a grin
  * When he looks back Andrew has mirrored his position, left hand up on the pillow near his face
  * Neil doesn’t reach for him
  * He lets Andrew decide what he wants to do.
  * After a few minutes Neil thinks Andrew won’t move any further so he closes his eyes, ready to sleep.
  * He feels Andrew shift a little, and then Andrew’s hand is right next to his, “yes or no?” Andrew asks.
  * Neil doesn’t open his eyes when he says “always yes Andrew.”
  * He doesn’t have to open his eyes to know Andrew is rolling his eyes at him
  * And then Andrew links their pinky fingers together, just that.
  * Just that one small point of contact, but Neil knows it means something.
  * “Making me a promise Andrew?” Neil asks softly.
  * “Go to sleep Neil.” Andrew says and Neil knows that yes, Andrew is making him a promise.
  * A promise to watch over him
  * To stay
  * To be there when Neil wakes up.
  * It feels like a lot, almost too much, and it makes Neil’s chest clench a little.
  * “Andrew,” Neil starts to say, but he doesn’t know how to continue
  * It feels like so much
  * It feels like everything
  * “Go to sleep.” Andrew says, voice softer now, closer.
  * There’s no way Andrew is going to sleep like this
  * Small point of contact between them, sharing a pillow
  * Neil can feel Andrew’s breath on his face
  * Neil’s chest is tight with the gratitude he feels for this man and something else he doesn’t want to give a name to
  * He squeezes Andrew’s finger with his own and falls asleep
  * He wakes up the next morning and Andrew is back on his side of the bed, back pressed against the wall, but his finger is still hooked with Neil’s
  * And Neil looks at him like he is the world




	33. Page 32: the time andrew said “i don’t hate you neil” and meant it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Okay, but that one time Andrew says, "I don't hate you, Neil." And meant it:
> 
> Warnings: Neil has a minor panic attack
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 30, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * neil has bad days™
  * like really bad days where his hands tremble and his breath feels like it’s stuck in his chest
  * his skin’s two sizes too small
  * and he can’t look at himself in the mirror can’t see those eyes staring back at him it’ll break him
  * it doesn’t matter that his father’s been dead for two years 
  * or that he’s safe
  * his mind still drags up old monsters sometimes and rocks him to his very core
  * maybe it was because of jack today
  * jack’s had a foul temper since day one and everyone knows the sophmore hates neil
  * but usually the presence of andrew by neil’s side is enough to deter jack’s nastiness 
  * today they’re doing a scrimmage and andrew is in the goal, too far to hear neil trying to coach jack through a new play
  * voices are starting to get raised though, jack being petulant because he shouldn’t have to listen to the son of the Butcher
  * “none of us should have to take orders from you nathaniel”
  * and matt’s there in an instant to shove jack away and kevin puts himself in between the two 
  * but neil can’t breathe anyway
  * and andrew stalks his way out of the goal, clamps a hand on the back of neil’s neck, and says “practice is over”
  * neil snaps out of it at the court doors, digs his heels in and says “no”
  * andrew raises an eyebrow
  * “no, i can do this.”
  * and he buries it deep, finishes practice, and lets matt check jack too hard into the floor five times
  * after practice andrew takes neil up to the roof because that’s where they always end up on bad days
  * they haven’t said a word to each other since practice ended
  * neil hasn’t fallen apart yet so andrew thinks maybe neil might be okay
  * he’s been getting better
  * they just sit and andrew chain smokes half a pack of cigarettes before neil says “it shouldn’t have bothered me like it did”
  * andrew side eyes him but doesn’t reply
  * “i can’t let them keep getting to me like that,” neil sounds angry now, mad at himself, “if i shut down at a game we’re done for.”
  * “you don’t know that.” andrew replies “kevin can carry us if he needs to.”
  * “i shouldn’t have to rely on kevin like that.”
  * andrew hums his response
  * neil’s next words take him by surprise though
  * “it’s okay if you hate me. i kind of hate me too.”
  * andrew turns to fully face neil but neil isn’t looking at him, he’s picking at the skin on his palm where blisters have calloused over
  * “shut up.” andrew says, “stop that. look at me.”
  * neil glances up, his hands are still trembling.
  * “i don’t hate you, neil.” andrew says, reaching out to take neil’s hands with his own, hesitating long enough to let neil pull away if he needs to, but neil clings to him.
  * andrew hates this, this baring of the soul, opening up his chest large enough to fit neil inside of it
  * he hates that neil is enough to make him want to
  * he hates that he spent so long forcing himself to not feel anything, and neil makes him want to
  * but he doesn’t hate neil
  * maybe he never has
  * andrew scoots closer and let’s neil press his face into andrew’s shoulder
  * “you’re just having a bad day,” andrew says. 
  * neil would mock how gentle andrew is being with him (because that’s normal. this is not. this softness is not them) but neil is tired
  * instead he clings to andrew and lets him hold him up
  * the “thank you” neil rasps into andrew’s neck is raw and hoarse
  * and andrew lets neil cling to him until the sun goes down




	34. Page 33: “just pretend to be my date”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “Just pretend to be my date.”
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 5, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * weddings are the worst as far as andrew minyard is concerned
  * there’s too many people
  * people you have to pretend that you enjoy being around
  * everyone is loud and obnoxious and happy
  * so when nicky and erik’s wedding rolls around andrew stuffs the invite in the bottom of a drawer and tries to forget about it
  * he’ll just text nicky a “congrats” instead
  * it’ll be fine
  * neil doesn’t have to know
  * (andrew pls)
  * but of course neil does know because a few weeks before the wedding nicky asks why they haven’t rsvp’d yet
  * “you’re coming, right?” he asks over facetime, looking hopeful but also a little fearful that his friend and cousin won’t be at his wedding
  * “no.” andrew says from across the room.
  * “of course we are.” neil says at the same time, glaring at andrew.
  * the look on neil’s face says  _‘this is important’_.
  * andrew’s look replies  _‘i don’t care.’_
  * “text me the details.” neil says, looking back at nicky, “i think we lost the invite.”
  * nicky chirps an “okay” in reply, starts talking about flying them to germany a couple days in advance because he wants to see them and hang out
  * honestly how could neil ever say no to nicky when he’s this happy and earnest
  * so now andrew’s wearing a suit, sitting at a table at a wedding he didn’t want to attend, and glaring holes in the side of neil’s face
  * neil seems unaffected by andrew’s bad mood, chatting with former foxes and smiling when nicky comes over and hugs him
  * there are ‘congratulations’ all around before erik is dragging nicky back onto the dance floor 
  * eventually the others make their way out to the dance floor as well, leaving neil and andrew sitting at the table
  * “this isn’t too bad.” neil says
  * andrew snorts in reply
  * neil side eyes him, “you know, it wouldn’t kill you to just  _pretend_  to be my date.”
  * “i’m sure it would.” andrew replies
  * neil rolls his eyes, pushes a couple of grapes across his dinner plate, then looks up at the dance floor
  * “i’ve never been to a wedding before.” neil says offhandedly 
  * “it’s stupid,” andrew says. “a waste of time and money.”
  * neil hums in response, fidgeting with the sleeve of his dress shirt
  * andrew knows what he wants, but he’s just petulant enough to not give in
  * until nicky comes back over and is pulling neil onto the dance floor
  * nicky grins at andrew and says “i promise i’ll bring your boyfriend back in one piece”
  * and then they’re gone
  * andrew can see them in the middle of the dance floor
  * they’re not even dancing, just kind of bouncing up and down to a loud song with too much bass
  * but neil is laughing, surrounded by his family, eyes bright and andrew can’t stop the little tilt of his lips
  * when the music slows and the couples start pressing back together again, andrew gets up and makes his way onto the dance floor
  * he intercepts neil and asks “yes or no?”
  * neil’s breathlessly happy when he says “yes” and andrew’s hands take a hold of his, bringing them up to andrew’s shoulders and then andrew moves his hands down to take hold of neil’s waist
  * neil’s not even listening to the song, just sways slowly where andrew’s hands tell him to go
  * “this is nice” neil says softly, face about two inches from andrew’s
  * “shut up” andrew replies, but closes the distance between them anyway




	35. Page 34: andreil + massages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I'm such a slut for andreil and massages like imagine Neil has been working hella hard and they're in bed and going to sleep but Neil keeps moving cause his muscles are stiff and he's got a knot in his shoulder or somethin and Andrew is just Not Having It so he makes Neil lay on his stomach and Andrew sits on his hips and Kevin probably thinks they're having sex cause Neil's all moaning and sighing cause Andrew is Talented with his hands just omg fuck me up
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 8, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * like the three of them just had one of their night practices
  * and it ran like way too long because it’s spring championships and neil and kevin have no fucking chill
  * so andrew is exhausted™ and wants to sleep for 50 years
  * and normally neil will climb up and sleep in the loft but his legs are actual jelly
  * so he’s bunking on the bottom with andrew
  * and he keeps tossing and turning
  * andrew is going to fucking kill him
    * just let this poor boy sleep he blocked all but 18 shots on the goal tonight okay
    * he’s so tired
  * “neil just fucking lay still”
  * “i can’t get comfortable”
  * “i don’t care stop moving”
  * “well i’m  _sorry_ , my shoulder hurts”
    * ~~it’s like listening to children bicker~~
  * andrew allows it for exactly one more minute but then neil flips onto his stomach again and andrew sighs loud and heavy
  * “yes or no idiot?”
  * “yes?”
  * and andrew straddles neil’s waist, hands on neil’s back
  * neil hisses at first because andrew’s hands are rough but eventually the knot gives way and he relaxes and lets out these little soft noises of pleasure
  * and andrew just doesn’t stop?
  * he likes hearing neil making those noises
    * he sounds so pretty moaning and gasping under andrew
    * in a totally … non sexual way …
    * ~~it’s so sexual honestly kill me~~
  * andrew doesn’t even try to quiet neil, just rubs the soreness out of his back and shoulders
  * _(and he totally presses a feather light kiss to neil’s shoulder blade when he’s done okay)_
  * neil falls asleep like that okay it feels so good
  * meanwhile kevin is over in his bed with his pillow pulled over his head, contemplating drinking bleach
  * he glares at neil and andrew during the entire morning practice




	36. Page 35: neil + smiles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 12, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * okay but we always talk about neil hiding his smiles or repressing them in front of andrew
  * but i want to talk about neil’s smile being better than the damn sun shining in andrew’s life
  * neil has a few kinds of smiles and andrew knows them all
  * there’s the cruel twist of his lips, sadistic and mean, that reminds neil of his father
  * there’s early morning, sleepy an soft, pressed against andrew’s mouth as andrew kisses him awake
  * there’s the victorious grin from under his helmet at the final buzzer when the foxes have won
  * there’s the gentle turn of his mouth when he’s watching the foxes during a movie night
  * the startled one that comes with a laugh
  * the one he uses for the press
  * the one that means “i think you’re stupid”
  * andrew lives for all of them
  * he presses a thumb to neil’s soft lips and traces the smile there, wonders if someday he might too smile this easy
  * but andrew’s favorite is the small, private smile neil has when they’re alone together and he’s watching andrew
  * that’s the smile andrew would go to war for




	37. Page 36: andrew grabbing neil’s hand to keep track of him

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Andrew being unable to keep up with Neil when they're walking so he has to grab Neil's hand to make him slow down
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 24, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * neil has longer legs than andrew does
  * he’s only three inches taller but his stride is somehow much longer than andrew’s
  * and neil is a runner
  * so he walks really quicky, whereas andrew more just strolls along behind him
  * it’s usually not a problem
  * but the upperclassmen decide today is a great day to go to a carnival
  * and neil and andrew get separated in the crowd
  * neil’s just gone
  * vanished
  * like that day of the riot
  * and andrew feels the beginning twinges of panic in his chest and he can’t quite bury him
  * renee must see something on andrew’s face because she just says “andrew” in her gentle voice, and points to where nicky is trying to teach neil some kind of carnival game
  * the panic recedes and he nods at renee before walking over to neil
  * he grabs neil’s hand before the striker can wander off again and neil looks down at him in confusion
  * “you’ll get lost.” andrew quips.
  * neil stares at him a moment longer before huffing a little laugh, “did you think i ran off?”
  * andrew glares up at him.
  * neil interprets this as a yes
  * so neil shifts his hand just enough to tangle their fingers together, and hold andrew’s hand a little tighter
  * “i guess we’re just gonna use the buddy system for the rest of our lives.” neil says dryly and andrew uses his free hand to punch neil in the shoulder
  * “shut up.”




	38. Page 37: andreil + kids pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: saw you say "ayyyyy prompts today" and idk if that meant posting or writing, but if it meant writing then can I ask for andreil + adopting a kid out of an abusive home?
> 
> Warnings: child abuse happened off screen
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 29, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * rachel was 10 and this was the second time neil caught her trying to sneak out of the house that month
  * she had a little bag packed, a few of her clothes and a couple cans of tuna
  * andrew noticed her trying to tiptoe past their master bedroom and raised an eyebrow at neil
  * “who does that remind you of?”


  * neil rolled his eyes and climbed out of bed, catching rachel as she unlocked the front door
  * neil cleared his throat and rachel turned around, startled, her eyes wide and doe like
  * “where are you going?” neil asked
  * “i want my momma.” rachel said, her voice strained from holding back tears, “i don’t want to live here.”
  * andrew and neil had officially adopted rachel just a few weeks before
  * her mother had run off when she was 8 and her father had started beating her since he couldn’t turn his rage and fists on her mother anymore
  * she was one of aaron’s patients, and when he saw the finger shaped bruises on her he’d contacted child services immediately
  * he mentioned it on the phone with andrew and surprisingly andrew offered to foster her
  * rachel had been 9 at the time
  * she was a handful, almost too much at times, but neil and andrew understood her situation better than most
  * andrew had the patience of a saint when it came to handling rachel
  * rachel and neil barely got along
  * it wasn’t for neil’s lack of trying, it was just that rachel was as stubborn and hard headed as neil and it caused them to clash on more than one occasion
  * “what’s going on?” neil asked.
  * rachel stared at the ground, keeping herself out of neil’s reach and his heart ached for her
  * how many times had neil assumed this same position? 
  * “i’m not mad at you,” neil clarified, “but i would like to know if there’s something we’re doing wrong that we can fix.”
  * rachel said nothing
  * “we want you to be happy here rachel,” neil said.
  * sir padded over, winding himself around rachel’s feet and she reached down to scratch behind his ears
  * “i miss my mom,” rachel choked out. her eyes were red and puffy from crying and they were once more filling with tears,
  * neil opened his arms in an invitation for a hug and rachel stepped into his arms, letting him wrap his arms around her
  * neil kissed the top of her head
  * his heart ached in his chest. he loved this little girl so much.
  * “i know you do,” neil said. “i miss my mom too. it’s okay to miss her. andrew and i understand.”
  * the dam broke and rachel started sobbing against neil’s chest, hiding her face in the dark material of his shirt
  * neil just patted her back lightly, soothingly
  * it had taken so long for them to get here
  * when rachel had finally cried herself out she pulled back and neil let her go without complaint
  * “i’m tired,” rachel said.
  * “it’s 4 in the morning,” neil said, “i’m not surprised that you are. let’s go back to bed.”
  * “can i…” rachel trailed off, biting down on her lower lip.
  * neil waited patiently for her to work it out.
  * “can i sleep with you and andrew?” she finally asked
  * “sure kiddo.” neil said, offering her his hand.
  * rachel took it and followed neil to bed
  * andrew didn’t say anything, but he allowed rachel to climb into bed next to him, and that a bigger show of trust and love than anything andrew could ever express out loud




	39. Page 38: andreil + kids pt 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hello! :) could you write something about andrew and neil being older? maybe around 40 or 50, how do you think their life looks like? loooove your writing btw <3333
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 6, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew and neil were in their thirties when the adopted rachel
  * they adopted her the same year that andrew retired but neil was still playing so andrew and rachel spent a lot of time together
  * the first few months were rocky at best, mostly spent in silence with rachel trying to figure out if andrew was an adult that she could trust
  * but even in that silence andrew packed rachel’s lunches, dropped her off and picked her up at school, helped her with her homework when she struggled
  * _(unless it was math, andrew let neil help her with math because it made him feel good to help their daughter)_
  * months rolled by, then years
  * rachel and neil had their spats, they were both hard headed and stubborn
  * the first time rachel screamed “i hate you” at neil had been only three months after her adoption and it had rocked neil to his very core
  * she had apologized once she’d calmed down, and neil smiled at her gently but andrew knew neil was hurt beyond words
  * when rachel and andrew went for a walk that night andrew asked if she wanted to try out for sports
  * she needed a way to work out her anger that wasn’t on them
  * “not exy” rachel said, scrunching up her nose
  * “god forbid” andrew replied, “you get to pick. if it’s something you want, go for it.”
  * rachel chose hockey
  * so andrew set new alarms to get her up earlier for practice at the rink and ignored how neil grumbled about her not chosing exy
  * neil and kevin lamented over rachel’s betrayal during a skype call the next day 
  * so rachel played hockey from the time she was nearly eleven until it came time for her to pick a college
  * andrew never missed one of her games, even if it was on a night that neil was playing
  * and once neil retired (when rachel was 16) he never missed a game either
  * the first time rachel called andrew “dad” was right after hockey practice when she was 13
  * “dad would you hate me if i quit playing hockey?” she asked
  * the word rocked andrew down to his core
  * he knew he was her father, he’d adopted the girl after all, but he never once expected her to acknowledge him in that way
  * “no,” andrew said, “but think about why you want to quit, and weigh that against why you like playing, and make your decision based on that.”
  * rachel didn’t quit
  * it was hard sometimes, and she got hurt a lot, but she never quit
  * “junkie” andrew said, almost fondly
  * because his husband was a junkie for one sport and now his daughter was one for another
  * the first time rachel called neil “dad” was a few weeks later
  * neil was home, his team didn’t play that week so he was spending as much time as home with his family as possible
  * rachel suggested watching a movie and neil nodded
  * he and andrew were on the couch, andrew’s arm slung over the back of the couch so neil could fit up against his side
  * “what about the matrix?” neil suggested when rachel started going through their movie collection
  * rachel scrunched up her nose, a trait neil noticed she’d learned from spending so much time with andrew, “dad that movie is seriously old” she said
  * neil was too shocked to respond
  * in the end she decided on a new action movie and settled down on the floor in front of the couch
  * rachel’s college of choice is stanford, and she gets a full ride with her hockey scholarship
  * neil and andrew are into their forties by this point and rachel loves to joke about how old they are
  * “even if you don’t look it,” rachel said, baking cookies in the kitchen with neil for them to take to the boyd-wilds house warming that afternoon, “you’re both seriously old now. i’ll have to start looking into nursing homes soon.”
  * “hey don’t knock it kid,” neil replied, flicking some flour at her, “you’ll be our age before you know it. you’re already growing up way too fast.”
  * “dad said that too, the other day,” rachel hummed, sneaking a handful of chocolate chips
  * neil swatted at her hand but rachel dodged
  * “it’s gonna be weird,” she said through a mouthful of chocolate, “being so far away from home”
  * “sentimental,” neil teased and laughed when rachel shoved his shoulder
  * “shut up,” rachel said, “it is.”
  * “you’ll be fine.” neil said, “i bet you won’t even miss us. you’ll be too busy playing and worrying about school to miss us.”
  * rachel threw her arms around him, surprising neil and knocking the breath out of him a little. neil wrapped his arms around her, kissing her temple since she was a few inches taller than him. “besides,” neil said, hugging his daughter a little tighter, “you’ll always have a home to come back to, don’t ever forget that. we’ll always be here.”
  * “i love you,” rachel said softly and neil knew she had tears in her eyes, he could hear them in her voice
  * “we love you too,” neil replied, voice tight with his own unshed tears
  * andrew found them in the living room later, rachel’s legs tossed over neil’s lap and both of them asleep
  * sir and king had passed on about a year before, but their new cat, a red maine coon named husky, was draped across rachel’s lap
  * andrew smiled a little and shook his head, “we’re going to be late if you two nap the day away.” he said
  * rachel opened her eyes and made a shooing motion at andrew
  * neil woke then, eyes passing from his husband to his daughter, and couldn’t believe how lucky he was
  * he never thought he’d live to be twenty years old
  * and yet here he was, almost 42, with a husband and a daughter and a house
  * neil locked eyes with andrew and smiled because he knew andrew felt the same way




	40. Page 39: neil’s phone gets hacked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: U know how a ton of celebs phones get hacked? imagine if Neils phone is to try and find out whether or not andriel is actually a Thing but all they find is "I hate u junkie" texts and shit like that and the medias reactions and the foxes reactions??
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 31, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew blames it on allison until his dying day
  * allison is the one that convinces neil he needs a smart phone
  * instead of his little flip phone that matches andrew’s
  * and because neil will do almost anything the foxes ask him to he goes and gets an iphone
  * he gets twitter and snapchat and instagram
  * and honestly andrew thinks it’s fucking obnoxious all the chimes and chirps his phone keeps making because he’s getting all kinds of notifications
  * andrew would rather flush neil’s phone down the toilet tbh
  * but he doesn’t, instead he just silences 90% of neil’s notifications and all is well in the minyard-josten apartment
  * until someone manages to hack neil’s phone
  * neil doesn’t know how it happened
  * but one morning he wakes up to kevin calling him
  * kevin tells him to check twitter
  * and it’s not like “big news” because exy is still a pretty small and unpopular sport in the US but a couple of internet news sites have latched onto his leaked texts
  * the first one that catches neil’s eye is “minyard-josten rivalry?” and it’s a several paragraph article about how neil and andrew hate each other based on their texts
  * the media don’t know what to make of it
  * most of the texts are “y/n?” and “i fucking hate you”
  * some are death threats
  * one site is worried about neil’s safety
  * neil laughs so hard he cries a little
  * andrew is fuming about it but neil laughing puts him in a slightly better mood
  * neil has to do a couple interviews about it but honestly it’s not too big of a deal
  * neil gets a more secure line
  * somehow the media still haven’t figured out that neil and andrew are married
  * _(tbh most of the foxes haven’t either)_




	41. Page 40: andreil + phone backgrounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: So it just dawned on me that when Neil and Andrew get new phones,,,.Neil would be Andrews wallpaper..,.,,, you can't tell me he isn't, bonus points if the lock screen is a really dumb/bad photo of Neil so people don't think he cares as much as he does and his actual wallpaper is fucking cute AF pic so only really he sees it cause he wouldn't let people on his phone... DOUBLE POINTS if Andrew is Neil's wallpaper my god can you write something about the foxes finding out, bets, fluff, good stuff
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 29, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * neil and andrew have the same model iphone
  * iphone 6+ in black with screen protectors and the whole nine yards
  * the only difference is the case
  * neil’s case is orange because he’s a fucking obnoxious jock
  * andrew’s case is plain black 
  * but their lock screens….their lock screens are the same fucking picture
  * picture this, if you will my kind friends, a picture of neil and andrew with andrew flipping off the camera and neil with his arm laid casually over andrew’s shoulders, head tipped back in a laugh
  * yeah that picture
  * the one the renee took of them when they visited her at her mother’s house
  * the thing is, all the foxes know that picture is neil’s lock screen, but they’ve never managed to see that it’s also andrew’s
  * renee knows, of course, because she knows andrew, so she never bets on it
  * but the other foxes do because of Course they do
  * they’re foxes
  * all they do is bet on dumb shit
  * anyway, the only way the foxes ever figure it out is the day that neil breaks his phone and sends it in for repairs
  * neil has to borrow andrew’s phone and nicky sees the lock screen
  * nicky ‘actual heart eyes emoji’ himmick obviously loses his shit
  * within the hour all of the foxes know
  * money is exchanged into the hands of one aaron minyard, the only person to say that andrew’s lock screen would be a picture of neil
  * but the home screen you guys
  * the home screen is a picture andrew took of neil one night on the roof
  * neil’s profile with the sun setting behind him and his eyes are closed and there’s a halo behind him
  * fuck
  * no one else finds out about that picture
  * and if they did they probably wouldn’t live to tell about it
  * but anyway, neil’s phone’s passcode is 0310
  * andrew’s is 0331 
  * which isn’t because he’s sentimental, no of course not, but because neil always forgets to charge his phone and has to borrow andrew’s
  * _(whatever andrew)_




	42. Page 41: andreil + iphones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Can you write about Andriel and iPhones - what their wallpaper would be, favourite apps, would they use social media, would they take a lot of photos idk
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Dec 29, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * neil’s favorite app is snapchat
  * he’s a fucking menace
  * he’s always taking pictures of things he thinks are funny or people but rarely selfies
  * he also has twitter that he mostly uses to drag people
  * or bother andrew
  * andrew says he doesn’t have a favorite app but he totally does
  * it’s bejewled and he plays it on zen mode and it’s really soothing
  * andrew takes pictures of neil sometimes when he’s not looking and posts them on instagram
  * usually with a caption like “look at this dumb fuck bothering the cats again”
  * he’s got so many pictures of the cats
  * andrew has a car tumblr too btw just…hundreds of videos and pictures of racing cars and classic cars and car engines and shit
  * andrew minyard is a car snob™ pass it on
  * neil has the kindle app on his phone and spends a lot of time reading books that andrew or kevin recommend
  * andrew prefers reading physical copies to electronic books and doesn’t touch the nook that kevin got him for christmas though that mostly might just be out of spite
  * neil’s phone screen is cracked even though he has a case on it because he drops it all the goddamn time and it pisses andrew off
  * neil changes his lock screen a bunch because he’s indecisive but his home background is always a picture of andrew




	43. Page 42: andrew smiling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: hiii I just thought about something: andrew smiling. on an impulse that wasn't pharmacological. genuinely grinning. it breaks me that it migh ìt be ooc *sobs*
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Oct 20, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * it’s this
  * it’s andrew rolling his eyes because kevin is bitching about the damn ice cream again
  * it’s not pulling a knife on nicky for making a stupid comment about andrew and neil
  * it’s still not feeling safe enough to fall asleep on the bus, but being okay with letting neil use him as a pillow
  * it’s a dry, raspy chuckle when sir fat cat tries to jump from one cabinet to the next and falls onto the counter
  * it’s running his knuckles over neil’s cheek bone when they’re watching a movie just because he can
  * it’s a short, unexpected laugh when he sees neil playing with the cats
  * it’s the warm, gentle feeling in his chest that he recognizes but doesn’t want to name
  * it’s neil whispering “andrew” and placing and hand on his shoulder but he doesn’t flinch
  * it’s neil clutching a letter of offer in his hands with tears in his eyes but not on his cheeks and andrew says “i knew you could do it”
  * it’s andrew rubbing his thumb over the silver ring on his left hand and smiling absently at it
  * it’s andrew, tense and angry, watching neil’s game on tv with kevin in the next chair over and king draped across his lap
  * it’s andrew holding neil’s hand over the center console as the drive across the country and letting neil kiss the back of his hand
  * it’s kissing neil on the forehead when he wakes up just to see neil’s sleepy smile
  * it’s several years later when andrew is able to match that smile with his own
  * it’s tentative
  * it’s brittle
  * because andrew will never be 100% okay
  * but he’s doing better, so much better




	44. Page 43: andrew + cat sweater

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: what if one of the foxes got those sweaters that have the cat carrying pockets for andreil as a gag gift, but they actually carried King and Sir around in them all the time. on the balcony while smoking, cooking dinner, going to check the mail!
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Oct 20, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * correction, andrew wears it more than neil does
  * neil likes the cats, but andrew is borderline obsessed with caring for them
  * andrew likes taking care of very few things in his life
  * but he likes taking care of neil and he likes taking care of the cats
  * so no, he doesn’t let them go out on the balcony while he and neil smoke
  * andrew says it’s because they might fall
  * neil knows andrew just doesn’t want the cats inhaling the smoke
  * but andrew takes the cats with him on walks
  * one in his sweater pocket and the other on a leash
  * and since sir is getting kind of old and can’t walk very far he usually gets the sweater seat by default
  * one time nicky got him a baby stroller as a joke but andrew didn’t give a fuck
  * he and neil let the cats ride in the stroller as they walked around the park perimeter
  * so many stares
  * neil thinks it’s cute




	45. Page 44: andreil gets married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hello! I love your blog so much, especially your TFC headcanons and fics! I was wondering if you would ever consider writing some kind of sequel to the headcanon about the Foxes' bets expanding on Andreil's wedding in Neil's senior year? Of course you don't have to if you don't want to, but it would make my life :) Have a good day!
> 
> Warnings: Neil is injured off screen
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Jan 20, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * This is how it goes.
  * Andrew was tired of fighting with security and hospital staff every time Neil managed to land himself a trip to the ER.
  * He was sick of Allison Reynolds telling him “We care about Neil too you know” every time security managed to get him back to the waiting room.
  * He hated the knowing look on his cousin’s face and the sneer on his brother’s.
  * Most of all he hated not knowing and he hated that Neil would wake up in that room alone and panic.
  * It didn’t happen often, but it happened enough that Andrew was tired of it.
  * So when Neil ends up in the hospital with a concussion during his senior year, Andrew makes the drive to South Carolina and makes a decision.
  * This particular hospital remembers Andrew from two years before when he took down two security team members the day Neil had emergency surgery for his appendix and Neil’s nurse has enough self preservation to pretend to not see him sneak into Neil’s room.
  * Neil’s first words when he wakes up and sees Andrew are “what the fuck happened?”
  * Because head injuries make it hard to have a serious discussion Andrew has to wait until Neil’s mostly coherent, it takes a couple of days.
  * When Andrew checks Neil out of the hospital and muscles him into the Maserati to take him back to Fox Tower Neil turns to him and says “We should just get married.”
  * Neil is only slightly surprised when Andrew says, “I know.”
  * Two weeks later they’re signing their marriage licence with Betsy Dobson as their witness.
  * It’s simple because it’s just a legal thing. They get married in a courthouse, both wearing jeans and Neil wearing Andrew’s pro team jersey. Betsy dresses up for it because she wants to and this is important to her. This boy that she cared about, that she was worried wasn’t going to make it to graduation, getting married.
  * Neil doesn’t tell the team because he doesn’t feel he has to. Nothing has changed, really, now Andrew and Neil just have more legal rights than they did before. The ring he wears on a string around his neck is mostly for his own sentiment. The fact that Andrew has one too would only be baffling to someone other than Neil or Renee.
  * The next time Neil end up in the hospital it’s for two broken ribs and Andrew pretends not to be affected when the doctor asks, “Are you the husband?” and Andrew gets to say “yes”




	46. Page 45: how the baby foxes find out about andreil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Ok ok, another question from the bets ask (that was such an A1 like ?? headcanon ?? there's so much quality stuff there but I digress) - when the baby foxes find out about Andrew and Neil like how do u think that happens ? Like do the baby foxes think Andrew and Neil hate each other ? And what do u think gives it away ?? I know this is super specific but idk I'm curious to know how that probably went down
> 
> Warnings: Andrew fights Jack
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Mar 14, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * there are three distinct groups when the freshman become part of the team
  * there are the og foxes, the baby foxes, and jack and sheena
  * summer practices are a nightmare but eventually dan and neil get the freshman in line and there’s at least a little begrudging respect from the baby foxes
  * jack and sheena are a terror but jack at least respects kevin and sheena will sort of listen to dan when the mood strikes her
  * but mostly outside of practice none of these groups interact
  * it’s better than last year because of the lack of hostility between most of the members of the team
  * and the baby foxes can admit that the upperclassmen are pretty fucking badass after what they managed to pull off the year before
  * what the baby foxes see of neil and andrew is this:
    * andrew popping balls at neil’s head to get his attention
    * neil and andrew walking around the court with renee during breaks
    * neil striding over to the goal to give andrew a “talking to” for just resting on his racquet and not participating (this takes place in russian and is more of a discussion of what the columbia plans are than anything but that’s between neil and andrew)
    * andrew flipping neil off at least once a week
    * andrew shoving neil off the treadmill at the gym
    * neil sitting closer to andrew on the bus than strictly necessary
  * so they don’t really think the two hate each other, but the tone isn’t exactly friendly either
  * certainly not “something more”
  * it changes during spring break
  * it changes when the foxes decide to go skiing in colorado because the slopes actually look pretty good
  * it changes when jack goes speeding past neil and knocks the older striker into a tree and just barely avoids breaking neil’s leg
  * and andrew is on jack in a second, sending him spiraling into the snow and andrew beats jack’s face bloody and it’s neil’s “andrew i’m okay andrew stop” that gets him to pull back
  * they see andrew haul neil back to the lodge with more anger on his face than any of them have ever seen
  * it’s the most expression the older foxes have seen since baltimore
  * andrew doesn’t let neil back out on the slopes, but the baby foxes spot the two of them in the parlor of the lodge with their fingers tangled loosely together and suddenly it all makes sense
  * jack opens his mouth to say something but matt clamps a big hand down on jack’s shoulder and says “if you think andrew messed up your face you don’t want to know what neil would do to it”
  * and jack with a black eye and bruised cheek wisely clamps his mouth shut




	47. Page 46: neil asking y/n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompts: What do you think about Neil asking y/n
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Mar 24, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

i love this thing neil does when he hovers just a little too close to andrew. almost touching, almost crossing a boundary, but it’s questioning. he doesn’t take until andrew says yes, but he asks without words. but i also love the thought of big things needing to be verbal.

“can i touch here yes or no?”

“can i kiss your scars yes or no?”

“can i take off your pants yes or no?”

because it’s important. it’s important to both andrew and neil and for the trauma that they’ve both suffered. asking for a kiss requires just a tilt of the head. asking for something sexual, something big, requires a lot more talking and i love the idea of andrew and neil talking through things together because it’s so healthy to do so.


	48. Page 47: neil in compression shorts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Like our boys, I am also a Sports GayTM and can we just imagine...Neil in compression shorts. Andrew's having a fucking existential crisis
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Mar 24, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew minyard is perfectly fine fuck you for asking
  * he is absolutely Not staring at neil josten on the treadmill
  * and his eyes certainly aren’t glued on that perfect ass and fucking beautiful thighs
  * the fact that andrew has picked the machine directly behind neil to work out on means absolutely nothing
  * (andrew your gay is showing)
  * no but listen hear me out
  * neil has like six pairs of compression shorts 
  * and the first time he wore a pair it was because kevin suggested them
  * because kevin also wears them
  * and the first time neil wore them to the gym andrew almost choked on his fucking tongue
  * because what the fuck neil has the most gorgeous body all lithe and strong as hell
  * and neil has no idea how pretty he is???
  * it’s so goddamn unfair
  * so after the first time maybe a couple more sneak into neil’s dresser drawer?
  * and neil’s not exactly stupid
  * he knows where they’re coming from
  * so he wears them any time he has an excuse because they’re actually really great to work out in and he loves them but he also likes getting andrew’s attention
  * and boy does he have andrew’s attention




	49. Page 48: andreil + pet names

im utterly infatuated with the idea of neil talking to a group of younger foxes and andrew saying “babe come here” with zero inflection but neil just whips his head up and excuses himself to go talk to andrew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao i didn't check this one and i'm too lazy to rework all the page numbers so yall just enjoy this and talk about it in the comments


	50. Page 49: andreil + therapy dogs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: You know that thing dogs do where they basically jump into your arms? Well after Neil and Andrew have bad their service dog for a bit and Andrews okay with her touchibg abd sround him, sbe does that to Andrew and its one of the only times be actually smiles.
> 
> Warnings: nightmares 
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 1, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * betsy mentions during her first meeting with neil his sophomore year that she thinks he’d benefit from a therapy dog
  * and sure he has crippling nightmares and panic attacks sometimes but he’s fine he doesn’t need therapy and he definitely doesn’t need a therapy dog
  * he goes back to the dorm and tells andrew about it
  * andrew doesn’t say anything, the subject changes and life goes on
  * until two weeks later andrew comes back to the dorm with a dog
  * neil looks pissed off and betrayed for a minute until andrew looks him in the eye and says “it’s mine. i’ve been on the waiting list for one since before you told me, don’t get all righteous and uptight.”
  * neil just thinks “oh” 
  * he doesn’t apologize with words but he does with small touches that andrew allows and they’re okay
  * the dog’s name is ares and she’s a papillon, a long haired little thing all red and white in color and andrew spends most of his time ignoring her
  * mostly she sits at his feet, never in his lap
  * she sleeps on the floor next to his bed but not with him
  * he takes her for short walks and combs her long hair and bathes her regularly
  * kevin adores her, neil is indifferent
  * but she’s quiet and she’s small so neil doesn’t see any noticeable changes
  * not until one night he wakes up to her yipping softly from the floor, slowly getting louder and more insistent 
  * neil climbs down the ladder a second before andrew snaps out of whatever nightmare he’d been having and neil understands why ares was trained for andrew
  * she doesn’t touch him, she knows not to, but she also knows how to wake him up when he’s having a nightmare
  * neil meets andrew’s eyes for a second but then he leaves the room to let andrew be alone for a moment
  * he knows how awful it feels to have someone staring at you after a nightmare like that
  * neil drinks a glass of water and comes back a few minutes later
  * ares is tucked up against andrew’s chest, breathing slow and steady while he runs his fingers through her long fur, his own breath steadying out as he does it
  * neil knows that andrew will put her back on the floor in her own little bed before he falls back asleep, but the sight makes his heart ache
  * “does it really help?” neil asks the next day. his hands are tangled in the bottom of a too long, too old t-shirt, twisting the material anxiously in his fingers.
  * andrew untangles neil’s hands from his shirt and holds them, running a thumb over scarred knuckles almost absently. “yes,” andrew says, “it helps.”
  * neil goes with andrew on a wednesday and speaks to betsy after her meeting with andrew and aaron
  * neil doesn’t trust betsy but he trusts andrew and anyway it’s just a dog so maybe it’ll be okay
  * neil gets his dog a week before christmas
  * his name is milo and he’s a huge golden lab with large brown eyes and a happy mouth
  * he sleeps with neil and pushes into neil’s space when andrew isn’t there
  * he goes running with neil in the mornings and accompanies them to practice and sits on the bench to wait for him
  * the other foxes adore him, and neil doesn’t mind him as much as he thought he would
  * he wakes up from nightmares with a heavy weight on him, an insistent tongue licking his face and soft fur pressed against his hot skin and it’s grounding
  * neil runs fingers through short gold hairs and soothes milo back until they’re both able to fall back asleep
  * milo and ares love each other
  * neil and andrew take them to the dog park and let them chase each other, though milo seems mindful of the fact that ares is about a quarter of his size
  * it takes months, a year, but eventually andrew starts letting ares hop up into his lap
  * they go to the park and both with whistle, neil high twice and andrew low and long once and both there dogs will come running
  * milo will stop short so neil can leash him, but ares will bound up and let andrew catch her
  * a small smile always breaks across andrew’s lips, soft and satisfied and healing and neil loves it even though he pretends not to see it




	51. Page 50: andreil + loving each other’s thighs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Prompt: Andriel loving each others thighs (one more so than the other)
> 
> Warnings: slightly sexual
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 2, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * listen 
  * neil loves andrew’s thighs
  * they’re thick and strong, covered in soft freckles and light blonde hair
  * he loves when andrew lets him touch his thighs, loves gripping them when he blows andrew, loves staring at them when they’re in the gym
  * but listen listen
  * andrew has a Thing™ about neil’s legs
  * even more so after neil tells andrew that lola was going to hamstring him in baltimore
  * andrew bites hickeys into the soft skin on his inner thighs, presses his fingers into hard muscle until it bruises, traces thin silver scars with his tongue
  * and god does neil love it
  * andrew spends…so much attention on neil’s thighs, even letting neil sit in his lap so his legs are splayed all pretty, thighs trembling
  * just, both of these boys are so strong and muscled and have gorgeous legs thank you for your time




	52. Page 51: things neil has overheard andrew say to the cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 27, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

a list of things neil has overhead andrew saying to the cats:

\- i will abandon you in a storm drain if you put your foot in my drink one more time.

\- [after king knocked a glass off the table] i support your rebellious attitude but not at the cost of my glassware.

\- it’s a cold cruel world out there but you don’t know that. you don’t know anything. you’re so stupid.

\- [sir curls up in his lap for warmth] neither of us get any enjoyment out of this. 

\- you are the second worst decision i’ve ever made in my life.

\- you can get up on the bed but only if you shut the fuck up.

\- [any time one of the cats meows loudly] fuck off.

\- don’t look at me like that.

\- [after giving one of them an extra treat after neil said no] don’t tell neil.

\- i could crush your tiny throat with my hand. it would be so easy. [as he’s petting sir]

\- care to weigh in on the situation sir? king? no? alright then.

\- apologize to your sister. [after the cats get into a fight]

\- listen, i hate you. you hate me. but we have a common enemy here. 

\- *one very soft kissy noise as he poked king on the paw*


	53. Page 52: things andrew has overheard neil say to the cats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 29, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

a list of things andrew has overheard neil say to the cats:

\- you’re so soft. just like andrew, but don’t tell him i said that.

\- it’s nice having a home, isn’t it? remember that the next time you think about peeing on my gym bag.

\- if you get on the bed and pretend to be asleep, andrew won’t make you sleep on the floor. [spoiler alert: andrew would and andrew did]

\- [softly and with a hint of distress] you’re so small. you’re too small.

\- you’re  _siblings_. you’re supposed to  _love_  each other.

\- [to king] nicky wanted to rename you queen after he found out you were a girl, but i told him kevin wouldn’t appreciate having to share his throne.

\- you owe me your life, the least you can do is sit in my lap.

\- [stacking multiple items on top of the cats while they nap] reverse jenga.

\- the areas where the light touches are your kingdom sir, but considering the electricity is out that leaves a very small area for you.

\- [draping king across his stomach and letting sir stretch out along his side] couture. 

\- you’re my child and i love you, but if you touch my pizza again i’m going to disown you.


	54. Page 53: andreil + tattoos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: what do you think of andrew having an 'N' tattooed on the inside of his bottom lip, and neil having an 'A' on his? Love your blog xxxxxxx
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Sept 23, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

i think that a majority of tattoo artists refuse to tattoo the inner lip because of the risk of infection and also the likelihood of the ink busting and the fact that inner lip tattoos also fade extremely quickly BUT

  * neil decides to get a tattoo on his 20th birthday
  * he’d been thinking about it for months, going over it in his head and talking it over with andrew
  * andrew gets the address for wymack’s tattoo artist and drives neil out a small studio just a few miles from psu 
  * the guy is easily six foot five and twice neil’s weight but he has kind eyes and a hearty laugh and neil can’t be afraid with andrew right next to him
  * neil gives the artist his drawing, something he’d been working on for weeks and they talk about sizing and placement and next thing neil knows he’s filling out paperwork and holy shit he’s really doing this
  * the tattoo is black and gray and only takes one session, but it takes several hours 
  * on the back of neil’s right calf is a fox head, behind the fox head is two crossed keys
  * andrew had called neil sentimental, but he was the only to apply a&d to it and lotion later
  * everyone falls in love with it
  * kevin is miffed because he thinks it should have been crossed exy racquets instead of keys but neil just ignores him
  * the keys and the fox mean ‘home’ and that’s what’s important
  * a month later andrew ends back up at the dorm with his own tattoo
  * his classic dagger tattoo on his left upper arm matches the same style as neil’s fox and crossed keys
  * andrew is the first to talk to their artist about getting sleeves done to cover up his scars
  * sworls of blues and purples and dotted whites 
  * black and gray and silver planets in orbit
  * andrew minyard turns his arms into the universe and traces constellations to calm himself, names the planets over and over until he feels alright in his skin
  * the universe sprawls up onto his right upper arm and words in black into swirl down into the color of oblivion:  _per aspera ad astra_
  * neil toys with the idea of getting his own sleeves but can’t decide on something he likes enough to cover his scars
  * they stagnate for a while, playing pro games and making Court and living separately before moving in together
  * neil is 32 when he comes home to show andrew the tiny inked “A” on the outside of his left ankle
  * it’s so small it almost looks like a trick of the light
  * and god andrew hates it 
  * _(he doesn’t, or he does, but he traces it all the time with feather light touches)_
  * it’s not even a week later when andrew comes home with a small inked “N” behind the fragile skin of his right ear
  * neil kisses it all the time, he almost tears up the first time he sees it
  * neil doesn’t get anymore tattoos because he doesn’t need or want anymore
  * andrew only gets a couple more
  * a small bumblebee on his left arm, tucked into a tiny space above where his forearm sleeve starts, for betsy dobson
  * and then a fox paw just a few days after retirement, inked onto the inside of his left ankle, because turns out even andrew gets a little sentimental in his old age




	55. Page 54: neil staring at andrew in the gym

Neil has on at least two occasions tripped over a set of weights in the gym because he was too busy staring at Andrew lifting weights and couldn’t take his eyes off Andrew’s flexing biceps


	56. Page 55: fake dating au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: You know what I have a need for? andreil fake dating AU
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Dec 1, 2017 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * so let’s imagine that neil is at a bar with matt and his friends
  * and this is a separate universe from canon so neil has already been confronted by his father and almost killed but his uncle shoots his father and takes him in
  * this happened as a teenager so now, as an adult, he actually has friends he trusts and will go out and drink with
  * neil is at the bar, not as drunk as matt who’s passed out on his girlfriend’s shoulder but hey if he’s had nine shots and two mixed drinks then no one’s gonna stop him
  * this dude shoulders his way up to neil and gets in his face, asking to buy him a drink
  * neil is like “hmmm, no.” and tries to walk away
  * the guy grabs neil’s arm and neil’s reactions are a little slow so he doesn’t immediately try to break the guy’s grip and then they both hear a “hey” from behind the bar
  * it’s not a loud yell, but it’s sharp and firm and both neil and the guy turn to look
  * standing behind the bar is a man, maybe pushing five feet tall and looks like he has an attitude big enough for neil and him combined
  * they guy is like, “what do you want man?”
  * and the man behind the bar says, “i want to know why you think it’s okay to put your hands on my boyfriend.”
  * neil is “??????” but doesn’t say anything because drunk + mouth = not working
  * the guy lets go of neil and is like “oh sorry i didn’t know he was taken. you should keep a better eye on him.”
  * the man doesn’t say anything and instead makes kind of a shooing gesture and suddenly the guy is being escorted out by bouncers
  * neil, belatedly, says “i could have handled that guy”
  * “i’m not sure you could fight off anything larger than a fly right now.”
  * which, rude, neil’s been taking boxing lessons from matt for four years he could totally have taken that guy
  * “what’s your name?” neil asks
  * “andrew” the man replies
  * “i’m neil” neil says
  * “i didn’t ask,” andrew says and walks away
  * fast forward to a couple of weeks later where neil’s uncle is making him go to an event with him
  * and neil knows the people at the event, and he knows if he doesn’t bring a date that people are going to ask and keep asking
  * but neil doesn’t swing, he doesn’t think he’s capable of it, so he doesn’t know what to do
  * and then he thinks about that night out at eden’s where that bartender called him his boyfriend to get some creep’s hand off of him
  * and oh, oh he might have an idea here
  * so neil drives himself to eden’s to find andrew and luckily finds him on a break, smoking out behind the bar
  * neil doesn’t say anything at first, tapping a cigarette out of his own pack to light and hold up to his face, and watches andrew pretend not to watch him
  * they stand there in silence for a little bit before andrew says “what”
  * “remember how you pretended to be my boyfriend for a little bit a few weeks ago?” neil asks.
  * andrew says nothing.
  * “would you be willing to do it for a couple of hours for some free food to keep some people off my back?” 
  * “why?”
  * neil explains to him about not swinging and how his uncle’s associates and family always ask when he’s going to settle down with some nice girl and he’s tired of it
  * andrew doesn’t say that he understands but there’s a hint of recognition on his face before he says, “i’ll pick you up on friday here at 6. if you’re late i’m not going.”
  * neil is there at 5:50 just to be safe
  * they go to the event and even neil has to admit that andrew cleans up well and looks good in a suit
  * it’s only supposed to be the one night, but neil didn’t anticipate allison reynolds being there
  * allison reynolds who immediately upon seeing neil with andrew texts neil’s friend matt boyd to say “neil has a boyfriend”
  * so of course it goes on for longer than a night
  * neil can’t tell allison that andrew isn’t his boyfriend because she’d tell someone who’d wreck the image of him not being single anymore
  * and neil doesn’t want to tell matt because matt looks so happy about it 
  * and so, well, it keeps being a thing
  * andrew is smart and funny and dark and neil likes hanging out with him a lot
  * he doesn’t realize how far he’s fallen until six months have passed and they’re standing outside at another of his uncle’s events, avoiding people and watching the snow fall and andrew looks at him and says “would you say yes if i asked to kiss you”
  * and neil, who hasn’t kissed anyone since he was sixteen or felt anything for another person in his life, looks at andrew and feels his heart skip
  * this is something dangerous, he thinks. “i would say yes” neil says.
  * and so andrew does, and they do, and it’s like a wildfire burning out of control
  * but neil still thinks andrew doesn’t feel anything for him, especially because andrew makes a habit of telling neil that he hates him
  * neil has never understood movies where a person pines over a guy before but oh he gets it now
  * he doesn’t know how to tell andrew that things have changed
  * he doesn’t know if he wants to
  * but then there’s like this scandal where the next morning there’s a page in a magazine detailing where someone saw neil and andrew making arrangements for the first fake date
  * and the way they tell the story it makes it sound like neil was picking andrew up as a prostitute
  * neil’s uncle is furious and tells neil he can’t see andrew anymore because it’s bad press
  * so neil stops answering andrew’s texts and calls and thinks it’s easier for both of them this way
  * except it’s not easier and neil is fucking miserable
  * neil tells matt that he and andrew broke up and matt makes a sad noise and says “i’m sorry man, i don’t think i’ve ever seen you as happy as you were around him”
  * unsurprisingly it’s allison who fires back, writing her own counter article for mud slinging and attacking that reporter for false journalism and writes a really good article for neil and putting him in a much better light
  * “i’ve never felt anything for anyone before andrew,” neil is quoted as saying in the article, “losing him is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do.”
  * andrew shows up at neil’s uncle’s house with the article, furious
  * “stop dragging me into your bullshit,” andrew says, “i never asked to be a part of this.”
  * he leaves and neil lets him go, knowing that andrew is right
  * they don’t see each other again until matt insists on taking neil out to eden’s 
  * neil tries to avoid the bar, but somehow he bumps into andrew in that back alley again
  * “i’m sorry,” neil says and starts to leave
  * “shut up,” andrew says, “sit down.”
  * neil has missed andrew, andrew doesn’t say he’s missed neil too.
  * they talk a little, about everything and nothing at all, until neil says “would you say yes if i asked to kiss you”
  * and andrew says “yes”
  * they kiss and everything feels right again and neil can’t stop the shaky little sigh that falls from his lips
  * when they pull away it’s not far, just enough that andrew presses their foreheads together, and neil says “my uncle has an event this friday, there’s free food if you want to go.”
  * “only if there’s cake and you wear that blue suit.” andrew says
  * and neil can’t stop smiling because this is real, this is real, and he’s never letting go




	57. Page 56: andreil + valentine’s day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Feb 14, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew does not do valentines day
  * in fact, andrew will avoid anything that has to do with that shitty holiday
  * andrew took one look the foxes locker room, decorated with heart streamers and pink balloons courtesy of allison and nicky, and walked right back out
  * “andrew?” neil asked.
  * “tell coach i’m sick,” andrew said.
  * “okay?”
  * andrew left, despite hearing kevin behind him start bitching and then neil turning to snap back at kevin
  * the others could find their own way back
  * he took the maserati back to fox tower and spent his day on the roof, chain smoking cigarettes and flicking the butts off to the parking lot below
  * he saw when the others came back from practice, neil and kevin riding in the back of matt’s truck
  * neil waved up at him from the parking lot and andrew looked away, pretending not to look
  * he didn’t turn to look when the door to the roof opened 
  * nor did he look when neil sat down next to him, his fingers curled out toward andrew in askance for a cigarette
  * andrew handed his cigarette over to neil who took a drag from it
  * “nicky and kevin wanted to know if we were going to eden’s tonight for the valentines party,” neil said after a moment.
  * “no,” andrew said.
  * “okay,” neil said, “i’ll tell them to go hang out with matt.”
  * “we’re not doing valentines shit,” andrew said.
  * neil gave andrew a look and flicked ash from the end of his cigarette, “of course not. valentines day is stupid. but if we get them out of the dorm then maybe we can make out without kevin barging in.”
  * “eager,” andrew said and shoved neil’s face away when he grinned.
  * “for you, always,” neil said.
  * andrew scowled and stole his cigarette back.
  * neil pulled out his phone to text nicky and then put it away. “i was thinking tomorrow we could go to walmart and stock up on discount chocolate.”
  * “romantic.”
  * “is that a no?”
  * “don’t be stupid.”
  * neil hummed and tilted his face toward andrew’s, asking for a kiss
  * andrew rolled his eyes and tugged neil in by the collar, kissing him soundly on the lips and feeling neil melt into him
  * when neil pulled away he stole the cigarette back from andrew’s hand
  * “pest,” andrew hissed.
  * “you like it,” neil teased.
  * they sat together in comfortable silence while the cigarette burned down to the filter. neil flicked the butt away once it was gone and stood, brushing off the seat of his pants. “come on, kevin should be gone by now.”
  * andrew considered staying where he was just to be contrary, but the thought of having neil on his back and moaning andrew’s name was just too tempting to pass up. andrew stood and followed neil back to the dorm, thanking this dumb holiday for one thing
  * allowing them to have some time alone




	58. Page 57: andrew isn’t outed in baltimore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: hhhh sorry idk if you're taking prompts anymore & if not, feel free to ignore this! congrats on 4K & i love your blog a whole ton. but if you are,, AU where the foxes Don't find abt andreil in baltimore,, how would that play out? when WOULD they find out? have a nice day ily
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Mar 20, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * okay so let’s just think about what if andrew’d had a  _little bit_ more control of himself in baltimore
  * like obviously the other foxes know that andrew keeps a tight leash on all of his lot
  * they’ve seen how he treats the people that mistreat aaron and kevin
  * but imagine he didn’t quite lose his shit with the fbi agents
  * he never gets handcuffed to wymack
  * he’s already in the room when neil (nathaniel? neil) arrives 
  * and okay maybe they see the tense set of his shoulders
  * and yes maybe he’s the first to approach neil and he removes the bandages from his cheeks 
  * and yes maybe they see the way his jaw twitches from clenching so hard
  * but these are all things they saw when andrew choked allison for hitting aaron
  * these are not the signs that andrew and neil are in love
  * or dating? or fucking? 
  * these are things easily brushed aside
  * and yes andrew still goes with neil to tell his story to the fbi but they expect that
  * andrew is  _territorial_ and neil is his  _property_ and neil is  _hurt_ so yes of course they expect andrew to stay with neil
  * so things remain the same
  * andrew stays with neil while abby cleans his arms but doesn’t let neil rest against his chest
  * instead he sits sideways and lets neil rest against his shoulder
  * and when the get back to the tower and make their blanket nest no one thinks twice about andrew sleeping next to neil
  * they think nothing about andrew wrapping neil’s arms up for a shower either
  * and andrew has the foresight to bring his own clothes so no one knows that andrew and neil showered together
  * and this is  _good_ this is  _fine_
  * at the cabin they get a room with two beds (allison and renee take the single bed that is left) and andrew pushes them together at night and apart in the morning
  * neil is fine with this
  * this is something that is good and secret and theirs
  * it doesn’t feel like a lie and it doesn’t feel like shame
  * aaron still thinks something is going on but he can’t prove it, though he still uses it as leverage to fight for katelyn
  * because even if he can’t prove that neil and andrew are something he can still prove that they’re friends and that’s also violating their agreement
  * so andrew still lets aaron go 
  * but still the foxes are none the wiser
  * because straight is the default and andrew doesn’t act gay (doesn’t act like nicky) so obviously he isn’t and neil said he doesn’t swing so of course there’s nothing going on between them
  * and it goes like that for the rest of the year, even after andrew breaks riko’s arm for trying to kill neil
  * any of the others would have done the same
  * so maybe a year goes by, maybe two
  * they’re careful
  * they make out when kevin is out of the dorm and on private drives in the maserati and after games in a shared shower stall if they’re feeling brave
  * because they’re not trying to hide it, but they’re not really trying to flaunt it either
  * the point of it, though, the point of all of this is that andrew gets to chose when to come out
  * and how he comes out
  * and who he comes out to
  * because he’s had so much else ripped away from he
  * he’s had his dirty laundry dragged out too many times for comfort
  * but this is something he gets to control
  * so he comes out to coach first, because betsy and renee already know
  * and wymack doesn’t say “yeah i figured that out a long time ago” because that’s not what andrew wants to hear
  * andrew isn’t even sure what he wants to hear
  * but wymack’s “you two just take care of each other” is pretty close to perfect
  * he and neil come out to the team on a movie night, in a place as close to mundane as possible
  * nicky chokes on his popcorn
  * allison tries to say something but renee pinches her arm and twists so she just squawks instead
  * matt just gapes like a fish before grinning and says he’s proud of them
  * neil beams
  * andrew rolls his eyes
  * it’s good, getting to kiss neil in front of the others when neil says yes
  * and it’s good getting to hold his hand
  * and it’s good getting to come out on his own terms
  * it’s good and it’s  _his_ and that’s what’s important




	59. Page 58: andreil + pro team finds out they’re dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted May 10, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * andrew minyard barely had two words for his pro team on a good day
  * those words were usually “fuck you”, but it was still better than his normal stony silence
  * neil josten, on the other hand, was a spitfire
  * the kid never knew when to stop
  * how the two of them had roomed together for so many years in college was a mystery to the seattle stormcats captain, avery pembrooke
  * the two also seemed to hate each other, neil instigating and yelling at minyard from across the court and andrew batting balls at josten’s head and ankles
  * but they worked well with each other despite the animosity
  * minyard sending the ball all the way up the court and josten catching it for hardly a second before firing it into the opposing goal
  * it was a beautiful thing to see, and had won the stormcats at least a couple of their games
  * minyard also seemed more present when neil was around, more willing to do his damn job
  * they should have seen it coming, pembrooke realized
  * it’s not like andrew and neil were hiding it, really, just more like it was something they didn’t talk about with others around
  * and it was so simple, the way that it happened
  * no dramatic scene on the court, no incriminating photo on the internet
  * it was bizarrely and unfairly normal
  * pembrooke had instituted a monthly team dinner during his second year as captain, it wasn’t mandatory so minyard had never bothered to come
  * andrew’s third year as goalie for the stormcats was josten’s first year as supporting striker, and also the first year the minyard had started attending the monthly dinners 
  * somehow no one had bothered to notice that neil and andrew showed up to these dinners at the same time and left at the same time, usually in the same sleek black maserati
  * it was during september that neil was chosen to host the monthly team dinner
  * it had been nice
  * neil’s apartment was a decent size with a balcony and a large open living scheme
  * he had pictures plastered all over his living room of all of the teammates he’d had in college in an almost unhealthy amount
  * there were pictures of his first pro teammates too, and a couple of the stormcats from other team dinners 
  * “we had a wall like this at palmetto state,” neil explained, “it helped a lot when i lived alone.”
  * in december andrew was picked to host the next dinner
  * “we’ve already done one at my apartment,” andrew said.
  * “no we haven’t,” pembrooke said, but the inflection at the end made it sound like a question.
  * “september,” andrew replied.
  * “that was at neil’s apartment,” pembrooke said, confused, but then he inhaled sharply, “unless-”
  * “married,” andrew said.
  * “really?” 
  * “for five years now.”
  * “really?!”
  * andrew just raised an eyebrow.
  * “how?” pembrooke asked, “you two hate each other.”
  * andrew didn’t deign to reply and pembrooke let the subject drop
  * he did not, however, allow andrew to weasel out of hosting that month’s team dinner




	60. Page 59: andrew memorizing neil’s face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 3, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

I just can’t stop thinking about Andrew memorizing Neil’s face. His hands. His everything, god. The way he looks at 21, lovesick and stupid with the sun shining in through the windows of the Foxhole Court. The way his hands wrap around that stupid racquet, the replica of the one that smashed his abuser to pieces in a house none of them talk about. His face slack in sleep the morning of his 25th birthday, and Andrew can’t stop himself from dragging his thumb over Neil’s bottom lip. Recovering from a knee injury at 32, ghosts of crows feet in the corner of his eyes, something neither of them thought they’d live long enough to have. Gray haired at 56, coaching professionel teams with a similar gruff to David Wymack. He has all of these memories and moments. Days and weeks and years of them. Overlapping but never quite the same. Different lighting, the angle of his smile, the wrinkles on his hands. And every bit of it Andrew remembers. It’s the only time his memory doesn’t feel like a curse. How can it? He has so many more good memories now than bad ones.


	61. Page 60: angel!neil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: angel!neil, character death
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 31, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyacquets

  * Neil had been down to Earth many times in the past
  * For wars, for times of famine, for reconnaissance
  * He saw humans learn and grow and die and he had an odd sort of fascination for them
  * Little creatures capable of so much sin and cruelty, but their base instinct was always kindness
  * Helping each other and the plants and the animals
  * Little acts of kindness like picking up trash or a smile
  * It always overwhelmed him, and it was the reason for his problem
  * This human kindness that humbled him had also captured him


  * Neil didn’t remember the Fall, but he did remember waking up afterward
  * Left alone in a room with his wings broken and feathers burned and nothing he could do to help himself
  * A human had found him, carried him home, tended to his injuries
  * A human had done this for no purpose other than kindness, but in doing so had damned Neil
  * Angels, once caught by human hands, could never return home
  * He was trapped with nowhere to go
  *  The human caught him trying to haul himself through a window and gave him a pointed stare 
  * “Where do you think you’re going?” The man asked, for surely he was a man
  * “Away from you,” Neil spat.
  * “Not with two broken wings you’re not,” The man said, “Unless you think you can fly like that. You could try.”
  * Neil was stunned the human could see his wings at all, they were incorporeal to almost all humans
  * “You can see them?” Neil asked.
  * “Obviously,” The man replied, “Now sit the fuck down so I can try to fix your mess. My brother’s a wildlife vet and he showed me how to set a hawk’s wing once.” 
  * The man’s name was Andrew
  * He was golden from his hair and eyes to the glimpses Neil kept getting of his true soul
  * A molten core shrouded by shadow
  * Neil never asked about the shadow, the parts of Andrew that made him dark and quiet, and Andrew didn’t prod too hard about the scars that covered Neil’s torso and back from punishments and wars long forgotten by mankind
  * When Neil was healed he lingered
  * “I can’t go home,” Neil said when Andrew asked why he was still around, “I have nowhere left to go.”
  * “Why not?”
  * “You,” Neil said simply, “You have captured me and tainted me and Heaven will not take me back.”
  * Andrew did not say that he always tainted the things he touched
  * “Stay here then,” Andrew said, “but make yourself useful.” 
  * So Neil stayed
  * He learned to cook and made dishes that hadn’t been tasted in a thousand years
  * He cleaned while Andrew was away and taught Andrew things Mary had taught him when he was only a fledling
  * Neil taught him Aramaic and Echonian, and then Latin and Hebrew for the words Andrew’s vocal chords could not pronounce
  * He taught him how to wield a long sword and Andrew taught him how to fight with a dagger
  * A year goes by, then two
  * Neil doesn’t note the passage of time as anything more than a few new scuffs on the back of Andrew’s hands and new freckles across the bridge of his nose brought out by the sun
  * They do many things together; shopping for groceries at 2am when the insomnia makes it hard for Andrew to sleep, hanging out with Andrew’s friends that have slowly become Neil’s friends as well, slow walks around the park in the morning, and eating dinner together in the evening
  * When Andrew kisses Neil it’s not really a surprise, more like inevitable
  * Nothing changes really, just new little things get added to the routine
  * Kisses in the morning when Andrew wakes, more in the evening when they settle down to sleep
  * Sex is a thing, though not very often because Neil lacks any kind of sex drive and Andrew’s relationship with sex is tricky on a good day
  * Still, it’s nice and it’s intimate, even if Andrew refuses to name whatever is going on between them
  * “Naming things makes them real,” Andrew said one day around a puff of cigarette smoke
  * “I’m not a hallucination,” Neil said.
  * “You are a pipe dream,” Andrew replied and sealed it with a kiss.
  * Neil tried not to think about it.
  * Some days Neil misses his family, all his brothers and sisters that used to sing in his head like music from a chorus that suddenly went silent
  * He couldn’t explain it to Andrew
  * Not really
  * Not in a way that made sense for a human
  * “Imagine your car radio,” Neil said, “Always playing at a light level. Never loud enough to disrupt your thoughts but just loud enough to be pleasant. You always hear it, no matter where you are, just a soft chatter of voices and music. Then one day it’s just gone and you’re alone in your head. The silence becomes deafening and one day you realize you don’t remember what music sounds like anymore. It’s like the absence aches.”
  * “So they’re just gone?” Andrew asked, “Forever?”
  * “As far as I know,” Neil said.
  * Andrew didn’t reply but the expression on his face was troubled.
  * “Hey,” Neil said quietly and Andrew looked at him, “I wouldn’t trade this for having it back. I wouldn’t trade you.”
  * Something complicated worked it’s way across Andrew’s face until it finally settled into something surprisingly warm in his eyes. “Shut up,” Andrew said.
  * Andrew combs his fingers through Neil’s feathers when he can
  * The touch always makes Neil shiver but it can calm him when he’s angry and soothe him when he’s upset
  * The effect is similar on Andrew, the repetitive motion takes the stiffness from his shoulders and the longer he does it the more pliant the both become
  * “Pretty little bird,” Andrew said into the soft space between them and Neil didn’t bother to correct him.
  * He likes it, if he’s honest with himself
  * Vanity is a sin, but Neil’s already down here with the sinners so he might as well enjoy it as long as he can
  * He likes it when Andrew calls him pretty
  * He likes feeling pretty, too
  * “What’s going to happen when I die?” Andrew asked one night, fingers rubbing at the skin where Neil’s wings joined with his back.
  * “To you?” Neil asked.
  * “To you,” Andrew clarified, “I don’t care what’s going to happen to me.”
  * “Oh,” Neil said, “I don’t know. I’ll probably just cease existing. I was born from the stars, eventually I’ll make my way back to being that again. And then something new might be born from me. Why?”
  * Andrew shrugged and dragged his hand into the feathers of a wing, softly caressing the feathers
  * Neil closed his eyes and leaned into the touch.
  * “I’m not afraid of death,” Andrew said eventually, “I just don’t want you to go where I can’t follow.” 
  * “I know,” Neil said, “I love you too.”
  * When the time came and Andrew died, as all humans eventually do, Neil lay there with him until his breathing stopped
  * Neil kissed him for the last time as his angelic form started to turn back to light and star dust, “I was glad to know you, Andrew Minyard.” 
  * In the sky, if you look hard enough, there are two stars that touch one another
  * And if you listen you can hear the echo of a laugh on the wind that sounds like an angel
  * If you take a moment to breathe in the air it might smell that cheap detergent and cigarette smoke
  * And if you believe, you might see the stars move, like they’re dancing, revolving around each other for the rest of eternity until they merge and become something new




	62. Page 61: andrew in lingerie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: hey so ur kinda famous for you headcanons!!!! r u still doing those bullet point things? if you are. pls can i request some andrew in lingerie? like we always see neil in lingerie but ANDREW DESERVES NICE THINGSSSSS! if not that’s totally cool but i’d love u foreverr??? <3
> 
> Warnings: non-sexual wearing of lingerie, low self esteem or self loathing
> 
> Rated: T

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 30, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * it’s neil’s fault, probably
  * or maybe it was allison’s, seeing as it was she that got neil into lingerie in the first place
  * and neil does look so damn pretty in it
  * all soft lace and sheer material covering scars and strong muscles
  * andrew has never had the desire to look pretty like that
  * andrew is strong and brutal, a monster behind the mask of a man
  * he is not delicate or worthy of pretty things
  * “they make them in your size,” neil says, holding out a bag, “just so you know”
  * andrew almost wants to throw a fit
  * instead he throws the bag in their closet without looking inside
  * neil doesn’t ask about it and andrew doesn’t bring it up
  * except maybe andrew is curious
  * because andrew doesn’t deserve pretty things but sometimes he thinks he might like it
  * so when neil and kevin are out of the dorm andrew pulls the bag out of the closet
  * it’s black, of course, because neil picked it out for him
  * it’s not sheer like the kind of stuff neil likes to wear, more solid and sturdy but still with a hint of that whispy lace around the edges
  * the bottoms aren’t exactly panties, more like boxer briefs, and they are devoid of the normal lace and bow andrew has gotten used to seeing
  * the stockings are almost too dark to be sheer, but they’re soft to the touch and the very top of them have the tiniest bit of lace
  * the garter belt isn’t fancy like the ones allison keeps gifting neil and renee, soft and black with silver buckles
  * andrew almost doesn’t want to bother with the top, little more than a tank top with lace around the bottom edge and criss crossing straps in the back
  * it’s, well mostly it’s insanely simple, and there’s something about that simplicity that andrew appreciates
  * he wants to try it on
  * he wants to know if he’d look pretty
  * maybe not pretty like neil but pretty like himself and oh isn’t that a thought he’s never had before
  * so he takes it all into the bathroom and tries it on
  * almost tears the stockings in his impatience despite the fact he always makes fun of neil for doing the same
  * clips the garter belt into place and puts the top on without looking in the mirror because he almost doesn’t want to look
  * and then he  _does_
  * to be honest it makes his breath hitch because he almost looks  _good_
  * it would kill neil, probably, neil always gets this stupid face when he looks at andrew and this is, god this is
  * he makes himself look at his arms, scarred and nasty and he makes himself touch them, soothing swipes up and down to calm his racing heart a little
  * it’s a little bit too much so he takes it all off and hides himself in a pair of neil’s sweatpants and one of kevin’s hoodies so he doesn’t have to look at his skin for the rest of the day
  * it’s weeks later before andrew decides he wants to try again, this time with neil in the next room
  * andrew doesn’t let himself look at his reflection, just yanks on the outfit with a brutality that the delicate garments don’t really deserve
  * like he thought neil looks almost awestruck
  * it’s enough to make his heart ache
  * he almost feels like he deserves it
  * and neil says “andrew, god” sounding so damn wrecked and reverent that andrew has to close his eyes for a minute
  * neil is not allowed to touch and he doesn’t even try
  * just lets his eyes wander and talks because neil is so good at talking
  * “you’re stunning,” neil says, “i mean you always are but this is…god andrew did you look at yourself? you should i mean, you’re kind of making me go a little crazy here.”
  * “stop,” andrew says and hates that neil  _does_
  * because neil is so stupidly good at listening to andrew
  * “i like it,” andrew says after a beat of silence, “but it’s a lot.”
  * “i know,” neil says, “it’s hard at first.”
  * because neil has more issues with his body than andrew does
  * andrew hates how well they know each other
  * how well they understand each other’s quirks and faults and triggers
  * but it’s also a little amazing
  * “i’m going to change,” andrew says
  * “okay,” neil says simply
  * because it is. simple. whatever they’ve got between them
  * andrew almost wants to roll his eyes. “go make some popcorn we’re watching a movie.”
  * “okay.” 
  * so andrew changes back into his shorts and one of neil’s shirts even though neil’s shirts are almost too small for his broad shoulders and makes a show of stealing almost all the room on the bean bag chair so neil will have to sit half on him
  * it’s good enough, normal enough, that andrew almost can’t wait to try again
  * and maybe next time he’ll let neil put his hands on him
  * he certainly looked like he’d wanted to
  * yes, andrew thinks, next time there will be a lot more kissing. and touching. and maybe some day he’ll even think that he deserves it.




	63. Page 62: neil and andrew haven’t seen each other in a while [nsfw]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: your smut is really good! but I'd die for some andreil smut, maybe they meet up for the first time in a while because they're on separate teams and just have great sex because they missed each other
> 
> Warnings: sexual acts depicted
> 
> Rated: E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 18, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * three months is too fucking long
  * three months they’ve been on the road travelling, playing games, going to practices, and attending bullshit team dinners when they’d rather be at their shared apartment
  * but championships are over and practices don’t start back up for another month and neil has never been more excited to get home
  * he’s missed andrew
  * quite terribly if he’s honest with himself, and he usually is where andrew is involved
  * but he’s going home now and andrew will be there and they’ll have a month of uninterrupted time together


  * andrew’s car is already there when neil pulls up to the apartment building and neil pulls up beside it
  * he takes the steps to at a time and unlocks the door, locking it behind himself and toeing his shoes off
  * “andrew?” he calls but andrew doesn’t answer
  * neil finds him on the balcony, leaning on the rail and smoking a cigarette and neil smiles
  * andrew beckons him out onto the balcony with a hand, lighting up another cigarette and handing it to neil as he steps outside
  * andrew drags his eyes over neil’s body and neil steps a little closer
  * “hey” neil says
  * “hey” andrew replies, reaching out a hand to run it through neil’s hair, “you’re letting it grow out again”
  * “allison wants to cut it next week”
  * andrew hums in response
  * it feels good, being by andrew’s side again, like he can finally take a breath after months of gasping for air
  * when their cigarettes burn down to the filters andrew places a hand on the back of neil’s neck to make him lean down a little, “yes or no?”
  * “always yes”
  * andrew kisses neil hard, bruising, dizzying. he kisses him like he doesn’t know how to stop, like if he stops he might die. neil knows andrew missed him too.
  * “inside?” neil asks between kisses “bed?”
  * andrew grunts in reply and shoves at neil, pushing him back inside the apartment.
  * walking is tricky when you’re glued together at the lips but they manage to get to the bedroom without much incident
  * andrew pushes on neil’s chest in silent command to get on the bed and then climbs on after him, straddling neil’s waist
  * “where can i-?” andrew grabs neil’s hands and places them on his chest, sliding his own hands just under neil’s shirt, andrew’s hands still for a moment and neil says “yeah” against andrew’s lips 
  * andrew pushes neil’s shirt off and bends down to kiss the exposed skin, pressing extra kisses to each scar his lips pass over
  * neil runs his hands over andrew’s chest up to his shoulders and holds on, little gasps and whimpers floating past his lips before he can catch them
  * it doesn’t take long for andrew to have neil naked. andrew has his shirt and armbands off. he’s kneeled between neil’s spread legs and he kisses the inside of neil’s knee, circling his fingers around neil’s entrance
  * “yes andrew, yes, come on, yes” neil whines
  * andrew nips at neil’s inner thigh but presses a finger in anyway
  * neil groans, gripping at the sheets with both hands
  * one finger turns to two turns to three and neil’s babbling with it. every time is like the first time and andrew is a little mesmerized by it. by the time andrew’s pulling his fingers out and spreading lube over his cock neil is praising him in english and russian and german
  * “andrew, andrew, andrew,” neil’s got his legs spread and his arms above his head and he looks so damn pretty, andrew puts a hand on neil’s hip and uses the other to line himself up to push inside while neil chants “yes yes yes yes yes”
  * andrew takes it slow, rolling his hips in long thrusts and brushing over neil’s prostate so often neil slurs a little in his speech
  * “god andrew, feel so good,” neil says, rolling his hips up to meet andrew’s “missed this, missed you, god yes, andrew”
  * andrew seals his mouth over neil’s, uses one hand to jerk neil off while his other leaves bruises on neil’s hip
  * neil comes across his stomach with a high sound and andrew follows not long after with a soft grunt
  * after andrew pulls out neil reaches for him and andrew goes to him, let’s neil circle his arms around andrew’s shoulders and they kiss softly until neil starts to feel uncomfortable covered in come
  * andrew showers with him, washes neil’s back and ass and let’s neil wash his hair
  * “you should trade teams” neil says drowsily when they’re back under the covers.
  * andrew sleeps with his back to the wall, neil sleeps facing andrew. andrew hums a small sound of acknowledgement.
  * “three months is too damn long” 
  * andrew reaches out and places a hand on neil’s hip, stroking the skin gently. “not long enough. it was peaceful not having to listen to you talk”
  * neil snorts “yeah right”
  * “i’m going to miss that silence,” andrew continues looking neil in the eye, “since we’ll be on the same team this fall”
  * neil’s eyes widen, “you’re really-?” andrew nods and neil smiles brighter than the sun
  * “stop that” andrew says, squeezing neil’s hip
  * “make me” neil challenges
  * so andrew does




	64. Page 63: andreil + jersey!kink [nsfw]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Me again, hi. Soooo last night I had this thought, an idea really, that Andrew would probably be the one out of Andreil to have a slight kink with ~doing it~ while Neil has Andrews jersey on??? Care to elaborate??
> 
> Warnings: sexual acts depicted
> 
> Rated: E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted June 19, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * it starts with the clothes sharing
  * one day neil is getting ready for a run so he just grabs the psu hoodie closest to him and wears it out
  * he gets odd looks but he’s used to it because, well, scars, so he doesn’t think anything of it
  * until he gets to practice and kevin says “why are you wearing minyard’s hoodie?”
  * and neil is like “oh” but it’s whatever and andrew is sitting on the couch looking unimpressed so neil’s like “it was the closest one”
  * but andrew is not as unaffected as he pretends to be
  * maybe it’s safe to say it starts with andrew being a little possessive
  * aaron mockingly calls neil “andrew’s toy” and while that’s not really a whole truth, and it’s something that does piss andrew off a little _(neil is not a thing)_  neil does belong wholly to andrew, heart and soul
  * so andrew lets neil wear his clothes, because it shows everyone who neil belongs to
  * or maybe it starts because sometimes neil can’t take his shirt off even when they have sex
  * 90% of the time it doesn’t bother him. andrew has never treated neil like his scars are something to be ashamed of. but the other 10% of the time andrew tugs a little at the hem of neil’s shirt in askance  and neil will mumble “um maybe not, i’d rather-” and andrew nods because yeah he understands
  * okay so it’s probably a combination of all of these things


  * it becomes an actual  _thing_  though when neil wears one of andrew’s jersey’s back to fox tower after a game
  * neil was complaining about the shirt he brought and how it was ruined because nicky spilled something on it and now he can’t leave the shower because his shirt is wet okay
  * and andrew just tosses an extra jersey at his head because he’s sick of listening to neil bitch and he wants to go to bed
  * but when neil exits the shower in andrew’s jersey and those god awful jean shorts andrew’s breath catches just a little
  * enough that andrew tells kevin “stay with nicky and matt tonight”
  * and kevin pauses mid-tirade at neil about a goal that he’d missed to give andrew a bitch face and say “why”
  * andrew just raises an eyebrow
  * kevin glares but he stays with matt and nicky
  * neil barely notices the attention he’s getting from andrew, he’s still arguing with kevin and packing up his bag and when andrew snaps “hurry up” he turns around to argue with andrew too
  * except andrew is giving him that look that makes his knees go a little weak because it’s dark and lustful and oh okay neil gets the picture now
  * they drop kevin off at nicky’s dorm and ignore nicky’s “use protection!” comment
  * (barely. andrew has a split second to decide if he wants to kill his cousin or get laid. neil’s fingers brushing softly against his wrist make his decision for him.
  * once back in the dorm, safely behind locked doors, andrew pushes neil toward the bed, doesn’t even have to ask because neil is already say “yes, yes, yes” and leaning into his hands and dropping his head down to try to kiss andrew
  * andrew tangles his hands in neil’s hair and kisses him bruisingly before nodding toward the bed
  * when neil starts to remove the jersey andrew says “leave it on”
  * neil looks a little bewildered and a bit insecure for a second
  * andrew slides a hand over neil’s scared stomach in silent reassurance. runs his fingers over neil’s armbands and says “these can go”
  * and neil isn’t quite sure what andrew wants from him tonight but he does as he’s told, strips himself naked of everything except the jersey and lays down in their bed
  * in exchange andrew strips himself completely naked. vulnerability for vulnerability. places neil’s hands on his shoulders and breathes “yes” across his lips as he kisses him.
  * most of the time they have sex facing each other. andrew needs to know that neil is okay, that he’s not hurting him. neil needs to know andrew is still present and not about to have a panic attack.
  * but tonight andrew asks neil to lay on his stomach 
  * “tired of looking at my face?” neil jokes
  * it’s an easy opening for an insult but andrew doesn’t take it. he’s already made neil too vulnerable tonight. instead he just says “you can say no.”
  * neil doesn’t say no. he lays on his stomach, pillows his head on his arms and turns his head to the side, hiding his burned cheek. 
  * andrew runs his calloused hands over the back of neil’s thighs, spreads them just a little before saying, “i’m going to prepare you, is that okay?”
  * and neil’s voice is rough when he says “yeah”
  * andrew finds their bottle of lube, pours some over his fingers and a little over neil’s hole, corner of his lip turning up just a little at neil’s hiss
  * he uses his left hand to start fingering neil, slow and easy, but his right traces the name and number of his jersey against neil’s back and neil thinks ‘oh. _oh!_ ’
  * by the time andrew has two fingers in neil the striker is already a mess, whining into his arms and arching his hips back for “more andrew c’mon more”
  * andrew takes his time, curling his fingers enough to put light pressure on neil’s prostate and make him shiver
  * he bends down and kisses the dimples above neil’s ass, moves down further to kiss at neil’s thighs and neil cries out when andrew briefly kisses his hole
  * three fingers and neil is mindless, so strung out he doesn’t know up from down and he’s babbling “andrew, andrew, andrew, yes, inside, come on, need you”
  * andrew presses a final kiss to neil’s tail bone and pulls his fingers out, wiping them on the sheets. he puts on a condom and strokes lube over himself, shuddering a little.
  * neil whines when he pushes in so andrew stops, kisses neil’s shoulder, asks “are you okay?”
  * god neil’s never been so okay in his life. soaked in sweat, andrew’s jersey plastered too him and andrew pressed to his back, half-way inside him. his circuits are blown. all neil can say is “andrew come  _on_ ” and push back against him
  * andrew nips at the back of neil’s neck and presses in the rest of the way
  * his thrusts are steady and controlled but hard, hammering into neil’s prostate and making him yelp
  * neil’s still babbling. andrew doesn’t know if he wants him to go on forever, or if he wants to shove a gag in his mouth. “andrew, god yes, fuck, fuck, andrew. mark me up, want you to. come on, pl-” neil cuts himself off, biting into his own forearm for a second, trying to gain back control of himself.
  * andrew keeps one hand on neil’s hips, pulling them off the bed just a little so neil can reach a hand down to jerk himself off. he slids his other hand under the jersey, running his fingers over the scars on neil’s back. andrew leans forward and starts sucking a bruise behind neil’s ear and then down further, leaving a pock marked trail across his neck
  * neil comes pretty quickly after that, crying out andrew’s name into the bed sheets, spilling across the sheets and his own stomach
  * andrew gently pulls out, strips the condom off and jerks himself off until he’s coming too across neil’s thighs
  * andrew lays himself down beside neil, both of them panting, and reaches a hand out to cradle the back of neil’s head, pulls him in for short little kisses while their hearts try to return to normal rhythm
  * after a little while neil grins
  * “what?” andrew asks, swiping his thumb over neil’s bottom lip
  * “never figured you for the kinky type minyard” neil replies
  * “shut the fuck up josten” andrew growls
  * it’s a lot less threatening when he’s naked and has his hand in neil’s hair
  * “why didn’t you tell me how much you like me in your clothes?” neil asks, smirking.
  * “go take a shower,” andrew says, shoving at neil to push him off the bed, “you’re disgusting”
  * “you have a fetish” neil says teasingly, getting out of bed
  * “114% josten now fuck off” 




	65. Page 64: neil sitting on andrew’s lap [nsfw]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None
> 
> Warnings: sexual acts depicted
> 
> Rated: E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted July 31, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * neil and andrew have been together for like three years
  * “we’re not together”
  * “sure we’re not we just spend all out time together and sleep in the same bed and you threaten to kill people for looking at my ass”
  * “…….”
  * and they’re pretty comfortable around each other now
  * like enough that sometimes andrew will pull neil down on top of him when they make out
  * and it’s so good????
  * neil loves sitting on andrew’s lap and andrew’s strong hands on his hips holding him there
  * but sometimes neil needs the reassurance that this is okay that they’re okay
  * and so andrew will just mutter something like “you look so hot sitting on top of me like that” 
  * and neil will turn all red and he’s so pretty
  * and he’ll make this embarrassed little noise that andrew will swallow up by pressing his tongue into neil’s mouth
  * also please consider too neil being completely naked and andrew completely clothed
  * the only thing andrew has removed are his socks and his arm bands
  * and neil does look so pretty on andrew’s lap, flushed down to his chest and his pretty cock all hard
  * so andrew will jerk him off, let neil fall to pieces on top of him 
  * neil makes all kinds of gorgeous noises, trying to hide his face in andrew’s neck because he’s too loud okay
  * and andrew just kisses the side of his head and jerks him off harder, his other hand trailing over neil’s side and leaving goosebumps along his skin
  * when neil comes it’s with andrew’s name on his lips
  * and it’s andrew’s favorite sound in the entire fucking world
  * when neil finally looks at andrew again he looks like he’s just swallowed the sun his smile is so fucking bright
  * so andrew kisses him until neil’s lips are numb




	66. Page 65: neil + collaring [nsfw]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: i know this is super kinky and a little absurd but - neil and his neck fetish being really into wearing collars because they make him feel like he belongs and is safe.
> 
> Warnings: sexual acts depicted, collar!kink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Aug 31, 2016 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * okay so it is canon that andrew grabbing the back of neil’s neck calms him down
  * that’s where it started
  * it developed, over time, into something more
  * they’d be making out and andrew would suck a hickey into the back of neil’s neck
  * and neil would just go completely pliant under andrew
  * because this was the safest place on earth for neil
  * so andrew got curious
  * and he started leaving more hickeys around neil’s neck
  * and neil would whine and beg for more and it was so fucking hot
  * then andrew would wrap a hand around neil’s neck during sex
  * he wouldn’t press down at all, he didn’t want to hinder neil’s breathing, but he’d just rest it there
  * and neil’s body would relax completely under andrew and he’d look up at andrew with wonder and awe and his eyes
  * fuck
  * so andrew bought a collar
  * he did a ton of research on companies and materials and bought one of the nicest ones he could find
  * it has ‘junkie’ engraved on the side of it because andrew is secretly a sap
  * when andrew presents it to neil he says “i thought you might like to try it, but you don’t have to wear it.”
  * but neil is all for it
  * so andrew takes great care in placing it around neil’s throat
  * and honestly they don’t even have sex after andrew puts it on neil they just cuddle in bed and kiss for a couple of hours
  * andrew takes it off of neil before they go to sleep
  * “your dumb ass will manage to suffocate”
  * and so it becomes a thing that neil likes to wear because it makes him feel good
  * and the comforting weight of it reminds him of andrew and home
  * and he likes to trace the engraving on the side when he thinks andrew isn’t watching
  * _(andrew is always watching, it makes his heart beat a little faster every time neil traces the letters. it’s just another reminder that neil is here to stay.)_




	67. Page 66: neil + cock warming [nsfw]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you hit us up with more neil + cock warming hcs? 
> 
> Warnings: sexual acts depicted, oral fixation
> 
> Rated: E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted Mar 11, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

  * you guys didn’t specify kandreil or andreil so listen this is andreil
  * now neil has a huge oral fixation right?
  * he loves having things in his mouth
  * andrew’s fingers, his own fingers, andrew’s dick,  ~~his panties~~
  * and andrew is suffering™ because neil looks so good with a cock in him and his eyes closed and his cheeks flushed and
  * god okay
  * so they don’t always get to do this because they don’t have the time or the luxury  ~~or the patience really~~
  * but when they’ve both graduated and have an entire apartment to themselves it’s something that neil likes to do
  * especially if he’s stressed out
  * there’s something about being on his knees in the floor and just holding andrew’s cock in his mouth that makes the tension release from his shoulders and his mind calm
  * how can he think about that game he has in two days when andrew is there with a hand resting on the back of his neck playing with the little curls there
  * how can he think about an argument with kevin when he has andrew in his mouth and it’s taking all of his strength not to work him into full hardness
  * it’s sexual, sure, sometimes. but mostly it’s incredibly intimate. this is not an act you perform with someone who doesn’t own your soul.
  * andrew doesn’t always have neil get him off afterward either. 
  * sometimes it’s just something that neil needs to relax and just let himself be cared for by andrew
  * they have safewords in place, little taps that neil can give if he needs to stop because his jaw aches or his legs are uncomfortable or he’s having trouble breathing
  * neil rarely has to use them because andrew is really good at knowing neil’s limits even if he’s focusing on a book or documentary on tv
  * andrew touches neil a lot when he’s like this
  * running hands through his hair and cupping his jaw and rubbing the back of his neck
  * sometimes neil will pull off and just croak out  _“andrew”_ sounding ruined and half way to tears because he can’t
  * sometimes he can’t believe the way andrew treats him like he’s something precious
  * something that needs to be taken care of
  * and andrew will just let him rest his head on his thigh until neil pulls himself back together again, keeping a hand on neil unless he says otherwise
  * and god anyway this is super sappy but neil just really loves this and andrew loves taking care of neil thank you for your time




	68. Page 67: neil being demisexual [nsfw]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: None 
> 
> Warnings: None apply
> 
> Rated: M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted April 13, 2018 on cigarettesmokeandexyracquets

Oh boy oh boy but Neil going through violent swings of needing Andrew right now immediately and not wanting sex for like a month. Or realizing “oops it’s been two months and all we’ve done is kiss” because he’s so used to not wanting. And then there’ll be the opposite where all he wants is Andrew’s hands on him for like three months, or a week, or half a year. It comes and goes and he’s always so scared when he realizes it’s happening because “oh shit what if Andrew can’t handle this”. But the thing about Andrew is he understands boundaries really fucking well and he’d never forgive himself for pressuring Neil so he’s actually the perfect partner because he gets it when Neil’s in a downswing and doesn’t want sex. And Andrew probably calls Neil and idiot when Neil finally says something like “I’d understand if you wanted to have sex with someone else sometimes” because Andrew really is in this for the long haul whether he likes it or not. Anyway tldr; sometimes sex is weird for Neil and that’s okay


End file.
